Posted on by Michael J. Cunningham

Why Can’t Every Day Be a Spiritual Day?

I have been asked this question more than once over the years. Sometimes by retreatants leaving San Damiano on the last morning. Sometimes by people who attend the Monday gatherings. Sometimes, honestly, by myself.

The literal answer is that, of course, it cannot be. The world will not stop for you. The meetings will be scheduled. The emails will arrive. The unpleasant colleague will still be sitting across the table tomorrow morning. We cannot turn each day into a retreat.

But the question contains its own answer if we are willing to look at it differently.

What we are really asking, when we ask that question, is whether the peace we found on retreat can travel home with us. Whether the silence that opened something can keep opening it on a Tuesday morning. Whether God, who felt so near in the chapel, can be near in the conference room too.

The answer is yes. But it requires a different kind of seeing.

I spent thirty-five years in the competitive high-tech industry. Some of that time was spent trying to help people in discord work toward a common goal. We usually had the goal. What we sometimes did not have was a culture, or a set of behaviors, that matched it. People in the same meeting could agree on the destination and still treat each other in ways that made the destination impossible. I watched it for decades. I sometimes contributed to it.

It was in those years that I came to believe Karl Rahner was right when he said the Christian of the future will be a mystic, or will not exist at all.

That sentence is often misread as a warning about decline. It is actually a description of what is required to remain human. Rahner was not talking about visions or ecstasies. He was talking about the lived experience of love, of goodness, of God — directly, in one’s own life, not borrowed from a teacher or absorbed from a book. He believed that without that direct experience, faith would not survive what was coming.

I think he was describing not just the future of faith but the future of any meaningful day at work.

So, I spent more than a decade trying to figure out how the peace of the monastery could travel into the ordinary. The Celts knew how. The desert fathers knew how. The Sufis, the Hasidim, and the Zen masters knew how, each in their own language. None of them taught withdrawal as the goal. They taught a way to stay present in the midst of what is, without losing the thread that connects you to God.

This is what I have come to call everyday mysticism. It does not require a different life. It requires different attention. The same conference room becomes a different room when you walk into it, noticing, pausing, and responding from a settled heart rather than a reactive one. The unpleasant interaction is not transformed by avoidance. It is transformed by the trace you leave inside it.

That trace is your spiritual footprint. It is the soul leaking out around the edges of whatever you do. And it can be formed.

So no, every day cannot be a spiritual break day. But every day can carry the same mystical possibility, if you are willing to bring it in yourself. The retreat is not the place. The retreat is the disposition. You can leave the chapel and take it with you, or you can sit in the chapel and never receive it.

The choice is interior. It is yours. And it is available tomorrow morning at nine.

 

 

Posted on by Michael J. Cunningham

The Other Way In

The Other Way In

I have enormous respect for Thomas Merton.

His willingness to go deep — to sit in silence long enough that the noise of the constructed self finally runs out of things to say — is one of the most serious spiritual commitments a human being can make. Richard Rohr, too. His insistence that we stop splitting the world into tidy categories, that we learn to sit with complexity rather than resolve it into something manageable — that kind of thinking has opened doors for countless people who thought the Church had nothing left to offer them.

I am not dismissing any of that. I want to say that plainly before I say what comes next.

But I want to talk about a different door.

Most of us don’t live in monasteries. Most of us don’t have hours of protected silence. We live in the middle of things — difficult meetings, fractured relationships, financial pressure, the particular chaos of a family in the morning before anyone has had enough coffee. We live in the world as it actually is, not as we wish it were, and that world has a way of arriving faster than any interior preparation can handle.

The traditional model of spiritual transformation — the one Merton and Rohr both inhabit, each in their own way — starts inside. Get the values right. Shift the interior architecture. Deconstruct the false self. Achieve non-dual awareness. And then, once the inner work is done, the outer behavior will follow.

I understand this model. I believe in its depth.

And I am genuinely grateful both of them exist. These are huge contributions. They have opened the tradition to people who thought it was closed to them, and they have changed lives — including mine.

However, I have also noticed — in myself as much as anywhere — is that the gap between understanding something and living it in the actual friction of a Tuesday afternoon is real, and wide, and it doesn’t close automatically. You can have read every word Merton ever wrote and still send the email you shouldn’t send. You can understand Rohr’s concept of the shadow self and still find it fully operational at dinner. This is not a failure of the tradition. It is simply the truth that the interior life and the ordinary life don’t always find each other on their own. They need a bridge. And the more bridges we can build, the better.

And I have found — something the Franciscan tradition has always quietly known — is that sometimes the door into the interior life opens from the outside. Not always. Not exclusively. But for many people, in many seasons of life, the place where transformation begins is in the next small behavior.

Not the next retreat. The next conversation.

Not the next chapter of a difficult book. The next breath, taken deliberately before you respond to something that made you angry.

Francis of Assisi didn’t begin with a theology. He began with an embrace. A leper on a road. A revulsion he chose not to act on. And something shifted — not in his ideas about holiness, but in him, at the level of his actual life. The action opened the door. The transformation followed the doing.

This is what Sacred Noticing asks: not that you first achieve a correct interior disposition, but that you change one behavior, right now, in this moment. Notice what is actually happening in you before you react. Pause long enough for something wiser to surface. Respond from that place rather than from the momentum of your first impulse.

That is not a lesser form of spiritual practice. It is a different entry point to the same territory.

The spiritual footprint you leave behind — the emotional atmosphere you create in a room, the quality of attention you bring to the person in front of you, the trace that remains after you’ve moved on — that footprint doesn’t wait for your interior life to be sorted out. It is happening now. Every day. In every encounter.

The question isn’t whether you are leaving one. You are.

The question is what kind.

And the work of noticing that — not in theory, but in the actual texture of your day — has a way of teaching you things about yourself that no amount of reading ever quite manages. You discover your own values not by reflecting on them in the abstract, but by watching what you actually do when something unexpected arrives. You find out what you truly believe not in the quiet of a chapel, but in the sudden pressure of a difficult moment.

The interior life and the exterior life are not two separate projects. They feed each other. Act well enough times, and the values begin to follow. Behave with more patience than you feel, and one day you notice you really feel more patient.

This is not a shortcut. It is a different road up the same mountain.

Merton will take you somewhere profound. So will Rohr. I have learned from both of them, and I suspect I will keep learning. The tradition needs every door it can find. It always has. The monastery and the marketplace have always been two ways into the same life, and the people who found God in one have rarely regretted that there were people finding God in the other.

But if you are a person living inside an ordinary, complicated life — if you have commitments and pressures and relationships that don’t pause for your spiritual development — then the door I want to show you is right here. In your next meeting. Your next disagreement. The next time something small goes wrong and you feel the familiar pressure beginning to build.

That is the place. That is the practice.

You don’t have to find a monastery.

You are already standing in one.

— Michael J. Cunningham, OFS, D.Min. spiritualbreak.com

Adapted from The Practice of Sacred Noticing: Transforming Your Spiritual Footprint

 

 

Posted on by Michael J. Cunningham

The Spiritual Break – The Gathering

 

Dear Friends,

A few years ago I was walking in the woods in New Hampshire with my friend Tom. We had been talking for hours — the way you can with old friends you haven’t seen in a long time. As we entered a stand of trees above the stream on his property, he stopped, breathed in slowly, and said:

“Mike, this is my sanctuary … This is my chapel.”

I’ve thought about that moment many times since. Not because it was unusual — but because it was true. And because most of us have a place like that, or a moment like that, and we rarely stop long enough to name it.

That’s what Sacred Noticing is, at its heart. The practice of stopping long enough to name what is already here.

I’ve been writing about this practice for a few years now. And for a while, I’ve been sitting with a quiet thought: that it might be better practiced together than alone. So I’m opening a monthly gathering. Nothing elaborate. One hour on the first Tuesday of each month, online via Zoom. A small group of people who want to sit with the practice together — with some silence, a short reflection, and honest conversation about what the practice is doing in ordinary life.

The first gathering is in July. We’ll begin with The Sanctuary — which is where everything else begins. Where Tom stopped in the woods. Where the practice finds its ground. I’ve written a reflection on that theme which I’ll share in full on the site. A few lines from it, to give you a feel for where we’ll begin:

We all have these places in our lives. Somewhere where the encounter with the marvel of God’s creation snuggles us tightly. Where we are, once again, in the womb that gave us life.

Perhaps you can visit yours again soon.

Read the full reflection — The Sanctuary

If you’d like to join us in July, just reply to this email with the word Gathering. I’ll send you the Zoom link — it’s permanent, so you’ll only ever need to ask once. There’s no registration form, no course to sign up for, no commitment beyond showing up when it’s right for you. The door is open on the first Tuesday. Come if you can.

The Sacred Noticing Gathering — July

And going forward the First Tuesday of each month

Time: [6:30pm] Pacific · [9:30pm] Eastern · [TIME] GMT

One hour · Online via Zoom · Free

 

Theme for July: The Sanctuary

 

To join: reply to this email with the word Gathering.

I will send the Zoom link by return.

One more thing. Some of you have been asking about the book. The Practice of Sacred Noticing is now available — on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and as a signed copy directly from me if you’d prefer that. It’s the written companion to what we’ll be doing together each month. I’m glad it’s finally in the world.

Get the Book

All formats

Order a personally signed copy, or find Sacred Noticing at your preferred bookseller.

Where is your sanctuary right now?

Perhaps it’s closer than you think.

I’ll see you on the first Tuesday.

— Michael

spiritualbreak.com

 

Posted on by Michael J. Cunningham · 4 Comments

The Play We Have Already Written

A Spiritual Reflection on the Characters We Carry

Somewhere along the way, without quite deciding to, we became playwrights.

Not of fiction. Of the people we know.

We took the person — the partner, the colleague, the difficult brother, the aging parent, the friend who disappoints us in the same way every time — and we began to write them. Slowly, from accumulated evidence. Scene by scene, exchange by exchange, over months and years of shared life, until we had assembled something remarkably complete: a full character, with established traits, predictable responses, known weaknesses, recognizable lines.

We know what they will say before they say it. We know how they will react before they react. We know the shape of their resistance, the particular texture of their defensiveness, the way they will eventually come around or the way they definitively will not. We have, without ever using the word for it, become the expert on who they are.

And we carry that character with us into every encounter. Already written. Already cast. Already placed, in our minds, in the scene that is about to unfold.

Evagrius (fourth century theologian) would have recognized this. He mapped a version of it in his teaching on the logismoi — the thought-streams that arise within us and, if unobserved, construct a narrative so familiar that we mistake it for reality. The logismos of anger, for example, does not simply make us irritable. At its more developed stages it creates an entire interpretive framework — a lens through which the person before us is perpetually seen as threatening, inadequate, or in need of correction. We are no longer responding to what they are doing. We are responding to the character that anger, operating invisibly within us, has written for them.

The same is true of sadness, which writes characters that perpetually fail us. Of vainglory, which writes characters as audiences for our own performance. Of pride, which writes everyone as slightly less than ourselves. Each passion has its preferred cast, its recurring narrative, its predetermined ending toward which every scene is quietly being directed.

We do not experience this as bias. We experience it as knowledge.

This is who they are. I know them. I have seen this before. I know how this goes.

And we are often right enough about enough details that the illusion of accurate perception is very convincingly maintained. The character we have written is, after all, based on real observation. It is not fabricated from nothing. The difficulty is more subtle than simple error.

The difficulty is that the character has become fixed. The person before us continues to live and change and surprise — continues to carry, within them, the full unpredictable depth of a human soul that no amount of accumulated observation has yet fully disclosed. But the character we carry has stopped moving. It was written at some point, with the evidence available at that point, and it has remained largely unchanged since. Because changing it would require us to receive something new about this person, and receiving something new requires the willingness to be surprised, and the willingness to be surprised requires the one thing that long familiarity most powerfully resists.

The Pause. Here is what actually happens, in the ordinary exchanges of ordinary life, when the play we have written meets the person who is supposed to be performing it.

We arrive at the encounter already inside the script. Our position is prepared. Our likely response to their likely response is already assembled. We have, in the privacy of our own minds, conducted a version of this conversation before it has begun — and we have arrived, in that private rehearsal, at the conclusion we need. Now we simply require the other person to play their part so we can arrive there together.

They generally do not comply perfectly. People rarely do. There is usually some deviation from the expected lines — a moment of unexpected warmth from someone we had written as cold, a deflection where we anticipated engagement, a silence where we had scripted defensiveness. These deviations are the grace in the encounter. They are the place where the actual person momentarily exceeds the character we have assigned them.

But we rarely notice them as grace. More often we experience them as interference. An anomaly to be explained, or absorbed back into the existing framework, or noted as an exception that does not disturb the general characterization we have established.

Because the script, once written, is remarkably resistant to revision.

Evagrius called the unobserved operation of the passions a form of captivity — not dramatic captivity, not the captivity of obvious sin, but the quiet captivity of a person who has lost the ability to truly see because the thought-stream operating within them has become the lens through which everything is perceived. The logismos of anger does not announce itself as anger. It presents itself as accurate perception. I am not angry. I am simply seeing this person clearly.

This is the deepest form of the dynamic. We are not performing a script. We are perceiving reality. The character we have written is not a character to us — it is the person. And the narrative we have pre-determined is not a narrative — it is simply what is true.

Sacred Noticing addresses this not by telling us we are wrong about the people we think we know — which is both ineffective and often partially untrue — but by interrupting the sequence at its most critical point.

Between the first movement of recognition and the assembled response, there is a gap.

In that gap, if we allow it, something is possible that the script cannot accommodate.

Notice. Something is arising. A familiar pattern in this person, or so it seems. A movement within me that I recognize — the particular quality of readiness that means I already know what this is and what I think of it.

Notice that too. Notice not just what the other person is doing, but what is already assembling inside me in response. The character I am about to address is not only out there. It is also, and perhaps primarily, an interior construction. I am the playwright. And I am about to perform my own scripted role in the scene I have written.

Pause. Not to interrogate this. Not to analyze the origins of the characterization or work through whether it is fair. Simply to stop, for one moment, before the prepared response is delivered.

In that pause, nothing is required. The script is still there. The character is still there. The accumulated history that produced both is still entirely present. The pause does not erase any of it.

It simply creates, within the encounter, one moment of genuine openness. One moment in which the question is not how do I respond to who I know this person to be but something quieter and more honest: who is actually here?

That question — barely a question, more like a brief interior opening — is one of the most radical acts available to a human being in ordinary relational life. It does not require the dismantling of everything we know. It requires only the willingness, for one unrehearsed moment, to not know completely.

Respond. What comes from that open moment is not the scripted response. It is something less defended, less strategic, less aimed at the predetermined conclusion. It may still say something very similar to what the script would have said. But it will carry a different quality — the quality of something that has actually received the person before speaking to them.

That difference is not always visible from the outside. Sometimes it changes nothing practically. But it changes everything in the quality of the encounter itself — for the person who is finally, even briefly, being met rather than managed. And for the one who has finally, even briefly, set down the burden of already knowing.

The characters we carry are not malicious. They are the accumulated effort of a self trying to navigate a complex world with some degree of orientation and efficiency. They are, in their own way, a form of love — the love that pays enough attention to actually learn the shape of another person’s patterns and difficulties and gifts.

The problem is not that we know the people we love. The problem is when knowing hardens into certainty. When the living, changing, perpetually surprising person before us disappears into the fixed character we have constructed in their place. When the play we have written becomes more real to us than the person standing in front of us, waiting — whether they know it or not — to be received rather than performed at.

Evagrius spent his life in the desert learning to see his own interior movements before they became his perception of reality. He called this nepsis — the unhurried watchfulness that notices what is arising before it becomes the lens through which everything is seen.

Sacred Noticing takes that ancient practice and walks it directly into the encounter — into the moment when the character you have written for someone else is about to be confirmed once again, and the space between recognition and response opens, briefly, like a window.

In that space, you do not have to perform your part.

You do not have to deliver the line the script requires.

You can simply pause — and in pausing, receive the extraordinary ordinary gift of the actual person. Who is always, it turns out, more than you wrote them to be. More complex, more fragile, more capable of surprise. More themselves, and therefore more capable of genuine encounter, than the character ever was.

The play we have written is not the scripture of their life.

It is only, and at most, our first draft.

Grace, when we allow it, is always working on a revision.

 

 

 

© Michael J. Cunningham, OFS — spiritualbreak.com.

Posted on by Michael J. Cunningham

The Spiritual Footprint You Are Already Leaving Behind

The Spiritual Footprint You Are Already Leaving Behind

On the Gifts of the Holy Spirit and the Franciscan Way

 

There is a moment most of us have had and almost none of us have named.

You are with someone — in their kitchen, across a hospital bed, at the end of a phone call that went longer than you expected — and when you leave, something has shifted. Not because of what was said. Not because anything was resolved. But because of a quality in that person’s presence that you received before you understood what it was.

Peace. A sense of being genuinely seen. The feeling, arriving without explanation, that you are not as alone as you thought you were five minutes ago.

You carry it home. You set it down gently on the counter of your interior life, unsure what to do with it but unwilling to let it go entirely.

That exchange — that unnamed gift moving between two ordinary people in an ordinary place — is what the tradition has always been trying to describe. We have elaborate theological language for it. We have the Gifts of the Holy Spirit: wisdom, understanding, counsel, knowledge, fortitude, piety, fear of the Lord. We have Paul’s list of fruits in Galatians: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

What we are less practiced at is recognizing them in the wild.

Francis of Assisi was, among many other things, the most effective demonstrator in Christian history of what happens when a human life stops getting in the way of these gifts.

He did not acquire them. He did not earn them through virtue or study or the accumulation of holy experiences. He stripped away everything that was sitting on top of them.

The poverty of Francis — the poverello, the little poor man — is usually understood as a social or economic posture. And it was. But it was also an interior posture. Francis divested himself of the armor of assumption. He arrived at every person and every creature without defenses, without a predetermined category, without needing the encounter to be anything other than what it was. And in that radical openness, something that had been given to him long before — at his Baptism, at his Confirmation, in the bread broken at ten thousand Masses — found its way through.

He held still long enough for the Gifts to do what they had always been able to do.

Consider what happens when we do not hold still.

The Gift of Understanding is the capacity to perceive what is actually happening beneath the surface of a moment — the real emotion under the difficult behavior, the fear beneath the complaint, the longing beneath the silence. It is not a skill. It is not emotional intelligence, though it resembles it. It is a grace, placed in us at our anointing, waiting for the moment we stop moving fast enough to use it.

When Francis rounded a bend outside Assisi and found a leper standing in the road, the Gift of Understanding was present in him. What was not present — what had to be overcome — was the entire apparatus of his upbringing telling him what the leper was: a category, a disease, something to cross the street to avoid. Francis stopped. He looked. He held still long enough for the Gift to speak. And what the Gift said, in that held stillness, was: there is a person here. The trace of God is in this face. Look.

He dismounted. He embraced him. And Francis later said that this — not the voice at San Damiano, not the wounds on La Verna — was the moment everything changed. The moment he stopped looking away. The moment the Gift found its opening.

The Gift of Understanding was present in him. What had to be overcome was everything telling him what the leper was.

The Franciscan tradition offers us a word for this capacity to dwell in a moment rather than manage it: contemplatio. Not contemplation as a spiritual specialty reserved for monks in silent enclosures. Contemplation as a posture anyone can carry into any Tuesday.

The disciples had ten days in the upper room before Pentecost. The Gifts arrived in wind and fire and the sudden ability to speak into the hearts of strangers. Most of us will not have ten days. We will have three breaths.

But those three breaths are the same interior clearing, at a different scale. The first breath interrupts the reflex — something is happening here, and I am going to stop and notice it before I decide what it means. The second breath grounds you in this actual moment — not the accumulated weight of similar moments, not the anticipated shape of the conversation yet to come, but here, now, this. The third breath opens you to what is actually needed — not what you prepared to say, not what habit suggests, but what this moment, this person, this encounter is genuinely asking for.

In that third breath, the Gift of Counsel becomes available. Not as a mystical infusion but as a quiet knowing — the right word, arriving from somewhere below your thinking mind, that you did not plan and could not have predicted. You recognize it precisely because it does not feel entirely like you. It feels like something passing through you.

It is.

Paul calls them fruits for a reason that goes deeper than metaphor.

You do not produce fruit. You create the conditions — good soil, sufficient water, the patient willingness to be pruned — and the fruit grows. The Gifts are the root system, placed in you at your Baptism and tended at every sacrament since. The fruits are what grows from that root when the conditions are right: when you are present enough, still enough, undefended enough to stop blocking what has been trying to move through you since before you could speak.

The peace you gave someone who did not know they needed it. The patience that arrived in a moment when impatience would have been entirely understandable. The kindness that surprised even you — that came from somewhere quieter than your intention and landed more truly than anything you had planned to say.

These are not achievements. They are not evidence of your spiritual progress. They are evidence of the Gifts doing what the Gifts do when we get out of the way.

Every life leaves a spiritual footprint in the world. A trace. An impression in the space between people — something of who you are, what you are carrying, where the Spirit is moving in your life — that is available to anyone paying the kind of attention that makes it visible. The person who left you steadier than they found you was not performing a virtue. They were, in that moment, available. The weight had briefly lifted. The fruit grew.

You are leaving that footprint right now. In the kitchen, in the car, in the difficult meeting that went too long. In the silence after a hard conversation. In the small decision — made when no one is watching — about whether to respond from love or from something smaller.

The question is not whether you are leaving a trace. That is happening regardless. The question is whether you are doing it intentionally — whether you are practicing the conditions that allow the Gifts to move more freely, more often, in more ordinary moments.

Every life leaves a spiritual footprint. The question is not whether you are leaving a trace. The question is whether you are doing it intentionally.

The Franciscan charism, distilled to its essence, is the conviction that the Word became flesh — and therefore that no piece of ordinary life is outside the reach of the sacred. God chose the unremarkable. The feeding trough, not the palace. The dusty road, the tax collector’s table, the leper on the bend outside Assisi.

Sacred Noticing is the practice that takes that conviction seriously. It is the discipline of the poverello applied to attention: arriving at each moment stripped of the armor of assumption, open to what is actually there rather than what you have already decided to see. It is the practice of contemplatio applied to the ordinary: holding still long enough for what has been given to speak. It is the expression of fraternitas in its most practical form: recognizing in every person you encounter a brother, a sister, someone in whom the trace of God is present and worth receiving.

Notice. Pause. Respond from the deep place.

Not a system. A description of how wisdom actually moves in a human life when it is not being blocked.

The burning bush was burning before Moses arrived.

He turned aside and looked. That single act — the willingness to stop, to notice, to resist the reflex to keep moving — was enough for the whole conversation to begin. The Gifts were not delivered that morning to a man who had earned them. They were made available to a man who finally held still.

You were anointed. The Gifts are in you, placed there by the God who chose the ordinary as the primary medium of revelation.

 

You only need to notice.

 

 

 

About the Author

Michael J. Cunningham, OFS, D.Min., is Executive Director of San Damiano Franciscan Retreat Center in Danville, California, and a member of the Order of Franciscan Seculars. This reflection draws on the Saturday morning conference “Sacred Noticing and the Franciscan Way,” part of the Rebuild My Church: A Franciscan Jubilee Year Parish Retreat series. Information at sandamiano.org.

His new book, The Practice of Sacred Noticing: Transforming Your Spiritual Footprint, will be published by Contemplative Company on May 15, 2026, and is available on Amazon and most booksellers.

 

spiritualbreak.com  ·  San Damiano Franciscan Retreat Center  ·  sandamiano.org