Posted on by Michael J. Cunningham

The Other Way In

The Other Way In

I have enormous respect for Thomas Merton.

His willingness to go deep — to sit in silence long enough that the noise of the constructed self finally runs out of things to say — is one of the most serious spiritual commitments a human being can make. Richard Rohr, too. His insistence that we stop splitting the world into tidy categories, that we learn to sit with complexity rather than resolve it into something manageable — that kind of thinking has opened doors for countless people who thought the Church had nothing left to offer them.

I am not dismissing any of that. I want to say that plainly before I say what comes next.

But I want to talk about a different door.

Most of us don’t live in monasteries. Most of us don’t have hours of protected silence. We live in the middle of things — difficult meetings, fractured relationships, financial pressure, the particular chaos of a family in the morning before anyone has had enough coffee. We live in the world as it actually is, not as we wish it were, and that world has a way of arriving faster than any interior preparation can handle.

The traditional model of spiritual transformation — the one Merton and Rohr both inhabit, each in their own way — starts inside. Get the values right. Shift the interior architecture. Deconstruct the false self. Achieve non-dual awareness. And then, once the inner work is done, the outer behavior will follow.

I understand this model. I believe in its depth.

And I am genuinely grateful both of them exist. These are huge contributions. They have opened the tradition to people who thought it was closed to them, and they have changed lives — including mine.

However, I have also noticed — in myself as much as anywhere — is that the gap between understanding something and living it in the actual friction of a Tuesday afternoon is real, and wide, and it doesn’t close automatically. You can have read every word Merton ever wrote and still send the email you shouldn’t send. You can understand Rohr’s concept of the shadow self and still find it fully operational at dinner. This is not a failure of the tradition. It is simply the truth that the interior life and the ordinary life don’t always find each other on their own. They need a bridge. And the more bridges we can build, the better.

And I have found — something the Franciscan tradition has always quietly known — is that sometimes the door into the interior life opens from the outside. Not always. Not exclusively. But for many people, in many seasons of life, the place where transformation begins is in the next small behavior.

Not the next retreat. The next conversation.

Not the next chapter of a difficult book. The next breath, taken deliberately before you respond to something that made you angry.

Francis of Assisi didn’t begin with a theology. He began with an embrace. A leper on a road. A revulsion he chose not to act on. And something shifted — not in his ideas about holiness, but in him, at the level of his actual life. The action opened the door. The transformation followed the doing.

This is what Sacred Noticing asks: not that you first achieve a correct interior disposition, but that you change one behavior, right now, in this moment. Notice what is actually happening in you before you react. Pause long enough for something wiser to surface. Respond from that place rather than from the momentum of your first impulse.

That is not a lesser form of spiritual practice. It is a different entry point to the same territory.

The spiritual footprint you leave behind — the emotional atmosphere you create in a room, the quality of attention you bring to the person in front of you, the trace that remains after you’ve moved on — that footprint doesn’t wait for your interior life to be sorted out. It is happening now. Every day. In every encounter.

The question isn’t whether you are leaving one. You are.

The question is what kind.

And the work of noticing that — not in theory, but in the actual texture of your day — has a way of teaching you things about yourself that no amount of reading ever quite manages. You discover your own values not by reflecting on them in the abstract, but by watching what you actually do when something unexpected arrives. You find out what you truly believe not in the quiet of a chapel, but in the sudden pressure of a difficult moment.

The interior life and the exterior life are not two separate projects. They feed each other. Act well enough times, and the values begin to follow. Behave with more patience than you feel, and one day you notice you really feel more patient.

This is not a shortcut. It is a different road up the same mountain.

Merton will take you somewhere profound. So will Rohr. I have learned from both of them, and I suspect I will keep learning. The tradition needs every door it can find. It always has. The monastery and the marketplace have always been two ways into the same life, and the people who found God in one have rarely regretted that there were people finding God in the other.

But if you are a person living inside an ordinary, complicated life — if you have commitments and pressures and relationships that don’t pause for your spiritual development — then the door I want to show you is right here. In your next meeting. Your next disagreement. The next time something small goes wrong and you feel the familiar pressure beginning to build.

That is the place. That is the practice.

You don’t have to find a monastery.

You are already standing in one.

— Michael J. Cunningham, OFS, D.Min. spiritualbreak.com

Adapted from The Practice of Sacred Noticing: Transforming Your Spiritual Footprint

 

 

Posted on by Michael J. Cunningham

No Permission Required

The Threshold You’re Already Standing On

There is a particular kind of spiritual exhaustion that comes not from absence, but from misdirection.

You may have been looking for the sacred in the wrong places. Not because you chose poorly, but because someone, somewhere, gave you the impression that it lived somewhere else. In a special silence. A retreat center. A rare moment of clarity. A time in your life when things calmed down enough to finally pay attention.

And so, you have been waiting.

I understand this. I have done it myself.

The strange thing about contemplative practice — the thing it takes years to inhabit rather than just understand — is that the threshold you’ve been waiting to cross is the one you’re standing on right now. Not metaphorically. Literally. The doorway of the room you just walked through. The pause before you answer a question someone is waiting for. The moment between an email arriving and your hands beginning to type.

These are not interruptions to the spiritual life. They are the spiritual life.

Francis of Assisi understood this with a kind of reckless clarity. He didn’t organize a program. He didn’t develop a curriculum. He stepped outside and started paying attention. He called the sun his brother and the moon his sister not because he was being poetic, but because he had stopped dividing the world into sacred and secular categories. He had noticed that everything was already charged with presence.

That noticing changed everything. Not just for him — for everyone around him.

What we leave behind in an encounter also matters. Not just our words or our decisions, but the quality of our presence. The warmth or coolness of the atmosphere after we’ve left a room. Whether the people we’ve just spoken with feel more seen or less. More capable or less. Whether something has been added to the world, or quietly subtracted.

This is not a small thing. It accumulates over a lifetime into something that looks very much like a legacy.

The practice isn’t complicated. It asks only that you stop long enough for wisdom to catch up with the pace you’re moving. Perhaps one, maybe three breaths. One moment of genuine attention before you respond. The willingness to notice what is actually here, before assuming you already know.

Ancient voices — from the desert fathers to the Celtic saints to Francis himself — kept returning to this same insistence: that the sacred is not something you attain. It is something you stop running past.

Your ordinary life is already the place. Your daily commute, the difficult conversation you’ve been putting off, the moment your child says something you almost miss because you’re half somewhere else. These are the thin places. Not because they’ve been designated as holy, but because any place becomes thin the moment you stop moving through it, arrive, and then stay there.

You don’t have to go anywhere.

You just have to notice where you already are.

— Michael J. Cunningham, OFS, D.Min. spiritualbreak.com

Reflection derived from the work contained in The Practice of Sacred Noticing: Transforming Your Spiritual Footprint.

Posted on by Michael J. Cunningham

The Spiritual Break – The Gathering

 

Dear Friends,

A few years ago I was walking in the woods in New Hampshire with my friend Tom. We had been talking for hours — the way you can with old friends you haven’t seen in a long time. As we entered a stand of trees above the stream on his property, he stopped, breathed in slowly, and said:

“Mike, this is my sanctuary … This is my chapel.”

I’ve thought about that moment many times since. Not because it was unusual — but because it was true. And because most of us have a place like that, or a moment like that, and we rarely stop long enough to name it.

That’s what Sacred Noticing is, at its heart. The practice of stopping long enough to name what is already here.

I’ve been writing about this practice for a few years now. And for a while, I’ve been sitting with a quiet thought: that it might be better practiced together than alone. So I’m opening a monthly gathering. Nothing elaborate. One hour on the first Tuesday of each month, online via Zoom. A small group of people who want to sit with the practice together — with some silence, a short reflection, and honest conversation about what the practice is doing in ordinary life.

The first gathering is in July. We’ll begin with The Sanctuary — which is where everything else begins. Where Tom stopped in the woods. Where the practice finds its ground. I’ve written a reflection on that theme which I’ll share in full on the site. A few lines from it, to give you a feel for where we’ll begin:

We all have these places in our lives. Somewhere where the encounter with the marvel of God’s creation snuggles us tightly. Where we are, once again, in the womb that gave us life.

Perhaps you can visit yours again soon.

Read the full reflection — The Sanctuary

If you’d like to join us in July, just reply to this email with the word Gathering. I’ll send you the Zoom link — it’s permanent, so you’ll only ever need to ask once. There’s no registration form, no course to sign up for, no commitment beyond showing up when it’s right for you. The door is open on the first Tuesday. Come if you can.

The Sacred Noticing Gathering — July

And going forward the First Tuesday of each month

Time: [6:30pm] Pacific · [9:30pm] Eastern · [TIME] GMT

One hour · Online via Zoom · Free

 

Theme for July: The Sanctuary

 

To join: reply to this email with the word Gathering.

I will send the Zoom link by return.

One more thing. Some of you have been asking about the book. The Practice of Sacred Noticing is now available — on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and as a signed copy directly from me if you’d prefer that. It’s the written companion to what we’ll be doing together each month. I’m glad it’s finally in the world.

Get the Book

All formats

Order a personally signed copy, or find Sacred Noticing at your preferred bookseller.

Where is your sanctuary right now?

Perhaps it’s closer than you think.

I’ll see you on the first Tuesday.

— Michael

spiritualbreak.com

 

Posted on by Michael J. Cunningham · 5 Comments

The Childhood of a Thought

A thought arrived one morning, as thoughts do, carrying the particular confidence of a thing that has been here before.

It came wearing familiar clothing — a worry I recognize, a narrative I have followed many times down the same corridor to the same small room. It arrived not as a stranger but as a regular guest who knows where the kettle is kept, who doesn’t bother knocking anymore.

I noticed this. Not immediately — that would be too tidy. For a few moments I followed it where it wanted to go, the way you follow someone down a hallway before you realize you were not intending to go in that direction.

And then something shifted. Not through discipline, not through the effort of attention redirected. More like a small adjustment in altitude. A step back and up — just slightly — to somewhere I could see the thought from the outside, the way you see weather from a hillside rather than from inside it.

That small shift is what I want to share with you today.

Most of us live in the valley most of the time. It is not a criticism — it is just the default geography of an unexamined life.

In the valley, thoughts become indistinguishable from the one thinking them. You are anxious and you are the anxiety. You are grieving and you are the grief. You are the irritated version of yourself in the car behind the slow driver, and you are entirely that irritation, with no remainder.

The valley is not a bad place. It is an honest place. Everything feels real there because it is real — the thought you are inside is a genuine thought, the feeling it carries is a genuine feeling. The valley doesn’t lie to you about the temperature.

What the valley withholds is the view.

From the hillside, you can still see the weather in the valley. You are not pretending it isn’t there. You are not trying to achieve some elevated spiritual state, above the ordinary mess of things. You are simply — and this simplicity is the whole of it — at a vantage point from which the thought can be seen as a thought, rather than lived as the whole of reality.

The hillside is not distant. It is available whenever you remember to look for it. The practice of Sacred Noticing — the Pause, the small breath before response — is the path up the hillside. It is not a long path. Sometimes it is one step.

Here is what the contemplative tradition rarely tells us: from the hillside, the thought is not frightening.

It is, in fact, rather like a child playing hide and seek.

My granddaughter, who has hidden behind the curtain — the curtain that does not reach the floor, the feet clearly visible beneath it — is entirely certain she cannot be seen. This certainty is not a failure of intelligence. It is the logic of hiding. She has entered the game fully, has committed to the position, and is experiencing with complete sincerity the thrill of concealment.

From where I am standing, I can see her completely. I know exactly where she is. I am in no danger of being surprised.

And what you feel — if you are paying attention to what you actually feel rather than what you think you should feel — is not strategic advantage. It is affection. She is delightful precisely in her certainty of invisibility. You are not trying to defeat her. You are not trying to expose her as a fraud. You can simply see her, and see her from love.

 

I can see you.

 

This is the interior movement that changes everything. Not a shout. Not an accusation. A quiet recognition, offered without alarm.

The thought that has been arriving with such confident familiarity — the one that knows where the kettle is, that doesn’t knock anymore — when seen from the hillside, does something interesting. It shifts. Repackages. Tries a slightly different approach, a new disguise, a different door. Because the pattern that has been running on the groove of long habit is not accustomed to being seen. It has relied on invisibility. The groove is its infrastructure.

And you, from the hillside, can watch this with something very close to tenderness. Because the hiding child is not your enemy. This is a pattern that learned, somewhere, that this particular hiding place was safe. It has childhoods of its own.

Evagrius Ponticus was a fourth-century desert father whose insight into the inner life remains startling sixteen centuries later. He called these recurring visitors logismoi — not quite the word “thoughts” in our modern sense, but thoughts with momentum, thoughts that have learned to travel in particular patterns, thoughts that arrive not randomly but along the groove worn by all their previous arrivals.

Evagrius was not describing pathology. He was describing the ordinary interior landscape of any person who pays attention. The thoughts of anxiety, of restlessness, of accumulated grievance — these are not signs that something has gone wrong. They are signs that something happened, and the groove it wore is still there, still operative, still offering its well-worn path to the mind that arrives unguarded.

What the desert fathers knew — and what the hiding child helps us feel rather than merely understand — is that the groove is not the self. The thought is not the thinker. The weather is not the valley.

You did not choose the first arrival of the thought that arrives most persistently now. You were not always in a position to choose what happened when it arrived. The groove was worn before you had the vocabulary for it, in rooms you may no longer be able to name.

But you are here now. On the hillside. With a view you did not always have.

Let’s be honest about what this practice can and cannot do.

You cannot, through the act of noticing a thought from the hillside, simply choose to be free of it. The groove does not disappear because you have seen it. The pattern that has been running for years does not dissolve in the recognition.

What changes is smaller — and more important.

The moment between the thought’s arrival and your following it — that is where freedom actually lives. Not in heroic moral choice, not in the achievement of a spiritual state, not in the successful suppression of an unwanted interior visitor. In the gap. In the brief moment where the hillside view is available and the groove has not yet run.

Evagrius was precise about this. The thought arriving is not a moral event. The following is where choice enters. And the choice, in the beginning, can be nothing more dramatic than: I can see you.

That seeing — held for even five seconds before the pattern runs — is the practice. It does not require the suppression of the thought or the prior resolution of whatever the thought carries. It requires only the momentary altitude of the hillside view.

And here is what becomes true over time, through practice rather than through discipline: the groove grows shallower. Not because you have fought it successfully. Because the following — the automatic, unexamined continuation — has been interrupted enough times that the groove’s infrastructure begins, slowly, to loosen.

You are not choosing to be free. You are practicing the single small act of freedom that is actually available to you, in the actual moment you find yourself in.

Which, it turns out, is enough.

 

The Thought That Arrived

It came in wearing yesterday’s clothes,

certain of its welcome,

certain I wouldn’t notice

what it had been wearing last time.

I noticed.

Not in triumph.

The way you notice a child

who believes the curtain

reaches the floor.

I can see you,

I said, without saying anything.

And watched it

try a different angle.

Repackage.

Arrive as something else.

Quieter.

More itself.

The thought passed.

The way weather passes

when nothing holds it.

And the room received

what the thought

would have prevented.

 

The thoughts you have been hosting are not you.

They are the patterns formed by what you did with thoughts that came before them. They have childhoods too — shaped by receptions you barely remember making, in rooms you may not even be able to name.

You did not choose the first arrival. You were not always in a position to choose what happened next.

But you are here now.

On the hillside.

With a view you did not always have.

And what moves through the gap the hillside creates is not yours to manufacture.

It is yours to receive.

 

Which has always been the better invitation.

 

Which thought has been arriving longest — and what would change if you could watch it from the hillside just once before it becomes the weather?

 

— Michael

spiritualbreak.com

 

“I want to mention quietly, as you are my closest readers, that The Practice of Sacred Noticing book is now available at Barnes and Noble and Amazon, in both print and digital formats. You’ll find it here. I’ll have signed copies ready to send in about ten days if you’d like to wait for one of those instead. Either way, I’m glad it’s finally in the world.”

Posted on by Michael J. Cunningham · 4 Comments

The Play We Have Already Written

A Spiritual Reflection on the Characters We Carry

Somewhere along the way, without quite deciding to, we became playwrights.

Not of fiction. Of the people we know.

We took the person — the partner, the colleague, the difficult brother, the aging parent, the friend who disappoints us in the same way every time — and we began to write them. Slowly, from accumulated evidence. Scene by scene, exchange by exchange, over months and years of shared life, until we had assembled something remarkably complete: a full character, with established traits, predictable responses, known weaknesses, recognizable lines.

We know what they will say before they say it. We know how they will react before they react. We know the shape of their resistance, the particular texture of their defensiveness, the way they will eventually come around or the way they definitively will not. We have, without ever using the word for it, become the expert on who they are.

And we carry that character with us into every encounter. Already written. Already cast. Already placed, in our minds, in the scene that is about to unfold.

Evagrius (fourth century theologian) would have recognized this. He mapped a version of it in his teaching on the logismoi — the thought-streams that arise within us and, if unobserved, construct a narrative so familiar that we mistake it for reality. The logismos of anger, for example, does not simply make us irritable. At its more developed stages it creates an entire interpretive framework — a lens through which the person before us is perpetually seen as threatening, inadequate, or in need of correction. We are no longer responding to what they are doing. We are responding to the character that anger, operating invisibly within us, has written for them.

The same is true of sadness, which writes characters that perpetually fail us. Of vainglory, which writes characters as audiences for our own performance. Of pride, which writes everyone as slightly less than ourselves. Each passion has its preferred cast, its recurring narrative, its predetermined ending toward which every scene is quietly being directed.

We do not experience this as bias. We experience it as knowledge.

This is who they are. I know them. I have seen this before. I know how this goes.

And we are often right enough about enough details that the illusion of accurate perception is very convincingly maintained. The character we have written is, after all, based on real observation. It is not fabricated from nothing. The difficulty is more subtle than simple error.

The difficulty is that the character has become fixed. The person before us continues to live and change and surprise — continues to carry, within them, the full unpredictable depth of a human soul that no amount of accumulated observation has yet fully disclosed. But the character we carry has stopped moving. It was written at some point, with the evidence available at that point, and it has remained largely unchanged since. Because changing it would require us to receive something new about this person, and receiving something new requires the willingness to be surprised, and the willingness to be surprised requires the one thing that long familiarity most powerfully resists.

The Pause. Here is what actually happens, in the ordinary exchanges of ordinary life, when the play we have written meets the person who is supposed to be performing it.

We arrive at the encounter already inside the script. Our position is prepared. Our likely response to their likely response is already assembled. We have, in the privacy of our own minds, conducted a version of this conversation before it has begun — and we have arrived, in that private rehearsal, at the conclusion we need. Now we simply require the other person to play their part so we can arrive there together.

They generally do not comply perfectly. People rarely do. There is usually some deviation from the expected lines — a moment of unexpected warmth from someone we had written as cold, a deflection where we anticipated engagement, a silence where we had scripted defensiveness. These deviations are the grace in the encounter. They are the place where the actual person momentarily exceeds the character we have assigned them.

But we rarely notice them as grace. More often we experience them as interference. An anomaly to be explained, or absorbed back into the existing framework, or noted as an exception that does not disturb the general characterization we have established.

Because the script, once written, is remarkably resistant to revision.

Evagrius called the unobserved operation of the passions a form of captivity — not dramatic captivity, not the captivity of obvious sin, but the quiet captivity of a person who has lost the ability to truly see because the thought-stream operating within them has become the lens through which everything is perceived. The logismos of anger does not announce itself as anger. It presents itself as accurate perception. I am not angry. I am simply seeing this person clearly.

This is the deepest form of the dynamic. We are not performing a script. We are perceiving reality. The character we have written is not a character to us — it is the person. And the narrative we have pre-determined is not a narrative — it is simply what is true.

Sacred Noticing addresses this not by telling us we are wrong about the people we think we know — which is both ineffective and often partially untrue — but by interrupting the sequence at its most critical point.

Between the first movement of recognition and the assembled response, there is a gap.

In that gap, if we allow it, something is possible that the script cannot accommodate.

Notice. Something is arising. A familiar pattern in this person, or so it seems. A movement within me that I recognize — the particular quality of readiness that means I already know what this is and what I think of it.

Notice that too. Notice not just what the other person is doing, but what is already assembling inside me in response. The character I am about to address is not only out there. It is also, and perhaps primarily, an interior construction. I am the playwright. And I am about to perform my own scripted role in the scene I have written.

Pause. Not to interrogate this. Not to analyze the origins of the characterization or work through whether it is fair. Simply to stop, for one moment, before the prepared response is delivered.

In that pause, nothing is required. The script is still there. The character is still there. The accumulated history that produced both is still entirely present. The pause does not erase any of it.

It simply creates, within the encounter, one moment of genuine openness. One moment in which the question is not how do I respond to who I know this person to be but something quieter and more honest: who is actually here?

That question — barely a question, more like a brief interior opening — is one of the most radical acts available to a human being in ordinary relational life. It does not require the dismantling of everything we know. It requires only the willingness, for one unrehearsed moment, to not know completely.

Respond. What comes from that open moment is not the scripted response. It is something less defended, less strategic, less aimed at the predetermined conclusion. It may still say something very similar to what the script would have said. But it will carry a different quality — the quality of something that has actually received the person before speaking to them.

That difference is not always visible from the outside. Sometimes it changes nothing practically. But it changes everything in the quality of the encounter itself — for the person who is finally, even briefly, being met rather than managed. And for the one who has finally, even briefly, set down the burden of already knowing.

The characters we carry are not malicious. They are the accumulated effort of a self trying to navigate a complex world with some degree of orientation and efficiency. They are, in their own way, a form of love — the love that pays enough attention to actually learn the shape of another person’s patterns and difficulties and gifts.

The problem is not that we know the people we love. The problem is when knowing hardens into certainty. When the living, changing, perpetually surprising person before us disappears into the fixed character we have constructed in their place. When the play we have written becomes more real to us than the person standing in front of us, waiting — whether they know it or not — to be received rather than performed at.

Evagrius spent his life in the desert learning to see his own interior movements before they became his perception of reality. He called this nepsis — the unhurried watchfulness that notices what is arising before it becomes the lens through which everything is seen.

Sacred Noticing takes that ancient practice and walks it directly into the encounter — into the moment when the character you have written for someone else is about to be confirmed once again, and the space between recognition and response opens, briefly, like a window.

In that space, you do not have to perform your part.

You do not have to deliver the line the script requires.

You can simply pause — and in pausing, receive the extraordinary ordinary gift of the actual person. Who is always, it turns out, more than you wrote them to be. More complex, more fragile, more capable of surprise. More themselves, and therefore more capable of genuine encounter, than the character ever was.

The play we have written is not the scripture of their life.

It is only, and at most, our first draft.

Grace, when we allow it, is always working on a revision.

 

 

 

© Michael J. Cunningham, OFS — spiritualbreak.com.