Posted on by Michael J. Cunningham · 3 Comments

Have I Labeled Myself Into a Corner?

Have I Labeled Myself Into a Corner?

For many years, I introduced myself, quietly and without much thought, as the practical one. The businessman who happened to go on retreats. Not really a writer. Not a contemplative. Just someone who liked a good agenda and a well-run meeting, and who prayed on the side, the way you might keep a hobby in the garage.

I did not choose that label out of malice. It fit, or seemed to, for a long time. It explained why I was good in a boardroom and quiet in a chapel. It gave people a tidy place to put me, and it gave me a tidy place to put myself. The trouble is that a label, once it fits, starts doing something a description was never meant to do. It stops describing you and starts deciding what is allowed to happen to you next.

The Comfort of a Good Corner

There is real comfort in a label, and I do not want to pretend otherwise. Naming our patterns is not a small thing. Knowing that we are the anxious one, the peacemaker, the fixer, the introvert, the practical one, gives us a vocabulary for our own weather. It can be the beginning of real self-knowledge, and I have watched it help people enormously, myself included.

But a corner is still a corner, even when we built it ourselves and even when it is comfortable. The danger is not in noticing the pattern. The danger is in mistaking the pattern for the whole room. “I am the practical one” quietly becomes “I am not the kind of person who writes.” “I am not a natural leader” becomes “I do not get to try.” We reach for the label to explain ourselves, and somewhere along the way the label stops explaining and starts deciding.

The Ones We Hand Ourselves

We are quick to notice when someone else tries to label us, and quicker still to push back. Don’t put me in a box. You don’t know me well enough to say that. We defend the border of ourselves fiercely against other people’s descriptions.

We are far less vigilant about the labels we hand ourselves. I am too old for that now. I have never been the creative type. That is simply not who I am. These arrive so quietly, and so early, that by the time they are limiting us they no longer feel like a decision at all. They feel like a fact. Nobody argues with a fact.

I spent years believing, as a fact rather than a habit, that I was not the kind of person who put words on a page for others to read. It took a very patient nudge — first toward a journal nobody else would see, then toward a reflection I was too embarrassed to send, then toward this very practice you are reading right now — before I noticed the label might have simply been wrong. Not wrong the way an error is wrong. Wrong the way a coat two sizes too small is wrong. It had fit once. It no longer did. I had just kept wearing it.

Opening the Door Without a Label On It

Sacred Noticing asks something different here, and it is not what most self-improvement asks. It does not ask you to find a better label. It asks you to notice the moment you reach for one, and pause before you let it close a door.

Somewhere in the hallway of your life there is a door with no label on it. Not the door marked leader, or the one marked creative, or the one marked too late for that now. Just a plain door, unlabeled, that you have walked past a hundred times because every other door had a sign you already believed. What would it cost you to open it, just to see what is on the other side, before deciding it isn’t for you?

This is not an argument against self-knowledge. It is an argument against finality. You can know your patterns and still remain, underneath them, unfinished — which is a much better word than broken, and a far more honest one than complete.

A Different Set of Clothes

Franciscan spirituality has never had much patience for fixed identities. Francis himself traded the label of merchant’s son for nothing very impressive at all — beggar, fool, brother to lepers and wolves — and every one of those was a door without a sign on it when he first walked through. He did not know what he was becoming. He simply stopped defending the label he already had.

Maybe that is the real practice hiding inside this question. Not ever labeling ourselves, which is impossible and not even desirable. But holding the labels loosely enough that we can still be surprised by our own growth. Loosely enough to try on a different set of clothes, a different room, a different corner of the parish or the office or the family, without first checking whether it matches who we have always said we are.

The corner may be comfortable, but grace rarely knocks on doors we’ve already labeled closed.

 

 

Reflection derived from The Practice of Sacred Noticing: Transforming Your Spiritual Footprint

Posted on by Michael J. Cunningham · 2 Comments

Don’t Slouch

I read something recently I could not let go.

The actress Hannah Waddingham (you may know her as the formidable Rebecca on Ted Lasso) spent years of her early career being turned away from roles for one reason only: she was too tall. Producers wanted her, and then didn’t, because she stood taller than the men they’d already cast. For a long stretch of her life, she found herself instinctively pulling inward, rounding her shoulders, making herself smaller in the room, so that no one else would have to feel small beside her.

Her advice, looking back on those years, came down to two words.

Don’t slouch.

Not just physically. She means it the way your soul means it. Don’t slouch emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Don’t dim your light because your presence is inconveniently large for someone else’s comfort. Don’t fold yourself down to fit into a room that was never built to hold the whole of you.

Let us sit with that for a moment, because I think most of us know exactly what she’s talking about, even if none of us have ever been told we were too tall for a part.

We’ve all slouched. Not in our posture but in our silence. The comment we didn’t make. The boundary we didn’t hold. The truth we watered down until it was polite enough not to cost us anything. We told ourselves we were being humble, or patient, or gracious. Sometimes we were. But sometimes, being honest, we were just afraid. Afraid of the room. Afraid of what our full height might make someone else feel.

Here’s the part I keep circling back to: Waddingham names whose discomfort she was managing. Not her own limitation; someone else’s inferiority complex. She was shrinking herself to manage a feeling that belonged to another person, not to her. And I wonder how much of our own slouching is exactly that. We are not actually too much. We have simply agreed, quietly and over many years, to be shaped by what makes other people comfortable rather than by what we were made for.

That is not humility. That is hiding. And you cannot hide from yourself, even when you’ve gotten remarkably good at hiding from everyone else.

I think about this in terms I’ve come to trust: notice, pause, respond. Most of us are excellent at the noticing. We feel the moment arrive — the meeting where we should have spoken, the relationship where we should have said no more of that, the room where our particular gift was needed and we knew it. We notice. And then, in the pause, instead of asking what wants to move through us, we ask what will keep the peace. We respond from management instead of from the soul. That’s the slouch. It isn’t cowardice, exactly — it’s a kind of premature surrender, done so quietly we don’t even notice we’ve done it. We didn’t respond from truth or love.

Do you ever regret it? I do. Not always the big things; sometimes it’s a small conversation, a word I swallowed, a moment I let pass because speaking would have cost me something I wasn’t ready to pay. And here is what I’ve come to understand about those moments: whether you speak or stay silent, you leave a trace. There is no neutral option. Your slouch is as much a footprint as your standing tall would have been, but it just isn’t the one you meant to leave.

This is where freewill and freedom actually live. Not in the certainty that others will understand you, or agree with you, or even notice what it cost you to say the thing. They might not. Waddingham didn’t get every part back. Some doors stayed closed. But she stopped shrinking to be chosen by rooms that required her to be less than she was. That is the whole point: not winning the room, but refusing to disappear inside it.

You have been given a will that is genuinely free. Not free to control outcomes- none of us have that; but free to choose, in this pause, whether you rise to your full height or fold yourself away again. Your soul already knows which one it’s asking for. It usually does.

So here’s the question worth carrying with you today, into whatever room you’re about to walk into: What have you been slouching to avoid? And what would it cost you, really cost you, to simply stand at your full height and let the room feel whatever it’s going to feel?

Don’t slouch. Leave the footprint you actually came here to leave.

 

Reflection derived from The Practice of Sacred Noticing: Transforming Your Spiritual Footprint

 

 

References

Soares, Isabella. “Quote of the Day by Hannah Waddingham: ‘I Don’t Want Anyone to Ever Think That They’ve Got the Measure of Me…'” TVLine, August 8, 2026. https://www.tvline.com/2232748/quote-of-the-day-hannah-waddingham-trying-new-things/.

“Hannah Waddingham Says She Lost Out on Acting Roles Due to Her Height.” AOL, August 2026. https://www.aol.com/articles/hannah-waddingham-says-she-lost-153336000.html.

Posted on by Michael J. Cunningham

A boy, a stone and a Pond

 

 

A boy stood at the edge of a pond, choosing a stone.

Not the flattest one. Not the one that would skip farthest or make the biggest sound. He turned it over twice. He decided something private about it. Then he let it go.

Asked why that one. He shrugged. “It just felt right.”

He never watched where it landed. By the time the rings were spreading, he was already bent over, looking for the next one.

I have thought about that boy many times.

Because most of us do the opposite. We throw the stone and then we stand there, counting circles. We drop a word, a kindness, a hard conversation into the water, and we wait for the ripples to tell us whether it mattered. Did it reach the far shore? Did anyone see the splash? Was it enough?

Here is what I believe, and you may not agree with me. Everything we do is a spiritual act. Everything. There is no neutral surface on this pond. There is no throw that lands nowhere. Every word, every silence, every small decision made in a kitchen or a car or a hallway sends something outward, and that something touches lives we may never meet. We sort our days into what counts and what doesn’t. The water makes no such distinction. It receives everything.

And here is the strange part. We already know this. Something in us knows it before we act. In the half-second before the words leave, before the hand moves, something inside has already registered: this will land somewhere. On someone.

That knowing has a name. It is called intention.

Intention is the part of the throw no one else ever sees. The person on the far shore receives the ripple. The tone, the timing, the visible act. What they never receive is the inside of your hand at the moment of release. Why you did it. What you hoped. Whether the kindness was whole, or carrying a second, smaller motive underneath.

But unseen is not absent. The intention travels with the stone. It is stitched into the act the way the boy’s private decision was stitched into that particular stone. The pond never knew why he chose it. He knew. And somehow, that was enough to change the throw.

Sit with that for a moment, because it opens in two directions at once.

The first is freedom. If intention is real even when no one sees it, then the worth of what you do is not decided on the far bank. The kind act that went unnoticed lost nothing. The apology that was misread lost nothing. The love was in the release, not the reception. You can stop standing at the water’s edge, waiting for permission to call your throw worthwhile. It already was.

The second direction is harsher. If intention travels unseen, then all of it travels. The motive we thought we tucked inside a generous gesture does not stay hidden in any way that matters. It bends the throw. You have felt this from the other side. The gift that somehow asked something of you. The compliment with a hook in it. No one explained it. You just knew. Intention leaks. It always has.

Mystics have a word for the alternative. Purity of intention. Not purity as perfection. None of us throws a clean stone every time. Purity as singleness. One motive, not three. Doing the thing for its own sake. The mystics went further and said: for God alone. Which is another way of saying that when the heart is single, the outcome can be released the instant the stone leaves the hand. What happens next belongs to the water. It was never ours.

The boy will never know what his stones did. Ten thousand throws he never watched land. And something in him will stay light because of it. Not because the ripples didn’t matter. Because he trusted them to the water.

So do we. Or so we could.

Pause for Thought: Before your next word or act, don’t ask whether it will be seen. Ask what is actually in your hand.

This week, notice the half-second before you speak. That small interior moment when the intention forms. Don’t judge what you find there. Just notice it. Then throw the stone as cleanly as you can, and trust the rest to the One who receives every ripple, even the ones we never watch land.

Peace and all good, Michael

 

 

Reflection derived from The Practice of Sacred Noticing: Transforming Your Spiritual Footprint

 

Posted on by Michael J. Cunningham

The Hand Off

The Hand-Off

There is a precise moment in a relay race where everything hangs in the balance. It isn’t the gun that starts the runners, and it isn’t the tape at the finish. It is the exchange zone — that short, marked stretch of track where two runners occupy the same space for a few strides, and a wooden baton passes from one hand to another.

Passed too early, the momentum stalls. Thrown carelessly, it drops, and the race is over before either runner realizes what happened. A clean hand-off requires the passer to match the receiver’s pace, to run alongside them for a moment before letting go, and to release the weight at exactly the right second — not before the other hand is ready, not after the moment has passed.

I have not run a real relay race since high school days. But I have dropped a baton more times than I can count, and every one of those drops happened at my kitchen table; not on a track.

The Baton We Carry

Think about the last time you offered a piece of advice nobody asked for. Shared a heavy insight with your spouse in the middle of an ordinary Tuesday. Dropped an opinion into a room that had been, until that moment, quiet. In each of those moments, you were holding a baton — an idea, an interpretation, a piece of truth you were carrying and someone else was not yet carrying.

The question worth asking is not whether the truth was true. It usually was. The question is:

How did you hand it off?

Too often, we don’t hand things off. We drop them off. We sometimes throw our insights the way you’d throw a stone across a yard — expecting the other person to catch it cleanly, regardless of how fast they were already running, regardless of how full their hands already were. We say what we came to say, exactly how we wanted to say it, and then we walk away, satisfied that we were honest. And being honest was enough.

The room tells the truth about what just happened, even when we don’t. A cloud descends. The other person is left fumbling — blindsided, judged, suddenly carrying a weight they didn’t agree to hold. The baton is on the ground, and somehow, it’s their fault for not catching it.

Reading the Weather

I learned this the slow way, which is to say I learned it by watching my own words land wrong more times than I’d like to admit. My instinct, especially with the people I love most, has always been to say the true thing quickly — as if speed were a form of honesty, as if the sooner I handed it over, the more it would count as care. It doesn’t. My wife Sally has taught me, gently and not so gently, that the timing of a truth is not a separate issue from the truth itself. It is part of it.

This is where Sacred Noticing does its quiet work. Before I open my hand, (to pass that baton) I have learned to notice — not the content of what I want to say, but the person standing in front of me. What is their weather right now? Are their hands already full? Have they just walked in from a long day, a hard call, a grief I don’t know about yet? A sacred hand-off begins before a single word is spoken. It begins with noticing and a pause that asks:

Is this person ready to receive what I am carrying?

That combination of noticing and pause changes everything downstream. It is the difference between speaking at someone and running alongside them for a few strides first.

The Open Palm

When the moment is actually right — and sometimes it is, sometimes the weather is clear and the hands are open — a clean hand-off feels almost nothing like a “dumping or throwing” I described earlier. It feels like a gift being offered rather than a verdict being delivered. You match their pace. You offer the thought softly, palm open rather than fist closed. And then — this is the hard part, the part I still have to practice — you let it go.

You do not micromanage how they hold it. They have it now. You do not require them to run the race the way you would run it, at your speed, toward your finish line. You offer what you were carrying, and you let them carry it forward in whatever way it needs to be carried. That release is not indifference. It is trust — the same trust a runner has to place in the stranger-shaped hands reaching back toward them mid-stride.

Notice. Pause. Respond. The same three movements that shape every act of Sacred Noticing shape the hand-off too. Notice their pace before you decide yours. Pause before the release, long enough to ask whether this is your moment or only your urgency. Respond by opening your hand rather than throwing your stone.

A Practice for the Week

The next time you feel the familiar pull to hand someone a sudden thought — an insight, a correction, a piece of wisdom you’re certain they need — try pausing for a single breath first. Look at the person actually in front of you, not the one in your head. Match their stride for a moment before you let go of anything.

You may find, as I so often do, that the truth you were carrying is still true a few minutes later. It usually is. What changes is not the baton. What changes is whether it lands in an open hand or on the ground between you.

A hand-off is not about how badly you need to let something go. It is about whether the person across from you is ready to hold it.


Reflection derived from The Practice of Sacred Noticing: Transforming Your Spiritual Footprint

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on by Michael J. Cunningham · 2 Comments

The Boat Without Oars

The Boat Without Oars

A Spiritual Break Reflection

In the year 891, three Irishmen washed ashore on the coast of Cornwall, England in a boat made of hide stretched over a wooden frame. The Anglo-Saxon Chronicle, which was not given to sentiment, thought the event strange enough to record. What made it strange was not that they had arrived. It was that they had set out, deliberately, without oars. When they were brought before the court of King Alfred and asked why, their answer entered history in a single sentence: they wished to be pilgrims for the love of God, and they cared not where.

I am the son of Irish parents, and I confess that when I first met this story, it did not feel like history. It felt like family. Because I recognized the move: the extravagant, slightly alarming gesture that turns out, on closer inspection, to be theology. Those three men were not being careless. They had simply decided, with their whole bodies, that God was a better navigator than they were — and then they built a boat that made the decision irreversible.

They were not alone. The early Celtic monks had a name for this: peregrinatio pro amore Dei — wandering for the love of God. It was pilgrimage with the destination removed. Columba left Ireland for Iona in c.563 not knowing what his mission would become; the island claimed him as much as he chose it. The Voyage of St. Brendan tells of monks who sailed wherever wind and current carried them, trusting the steering to Someone else. This was how mission and location were often discerned in that world. Not by strategy. By drift.

Now look at your own week. Count the oars.

The calendar is an oar. The GPS is an oar. The to-do list, the fitness tracker, the itinerary, the five-year plan — oars, every one. We are the most thoroughly rowed generation in human history. Even our leisure has an agenda now; we optimize our rest and measure our sleep. And if we are honest, even our prayer can become another form of rowing — twenty minutes, timer set, technique applied, progress quietly assessed. There is nothing wrong with oars. But a life that never ships them has made a decision about who is steering, and it is worth noticing what that decision is.

So here is a practice I have come to love, and one we now offer on retreat at San Damiano in the late afternoon, when the light goes gold on the hills. We call it a Drifting Prayer. The invitation is short enough to memorize: The Celtic monks used to set out to sea in small boats with no oars. They let the current decide. For the next while, the grounds are your current. There’s nowhere to get to and nothing to bring back. Walk, or don’t. If something finds you, let it.

You do not need a retreat center to pray it. You need a coracle — which is to say, a boundary. Thirty minutes. The park near your office. The road home taken slowly. A Saturday afternoon you refuse to schedule. The boundary is the only decision you make; it is the little boat that holds you. Then you ship the oars: leave the phone, drop the errand, release the outcome. If it helps, borrow the pilgrims’ own prayer of consent — Lead me; I care not where — which may be the most honest six words ever said to God.

And then you drift. You follow what gently draws you — a turn in the path, a bench, a birdsong, a doorway, a memory that rises unbidden. You steer only for safety. And when you catch yourself reaching for the oars again — planning tomorrow, evaluating the walk, quietly converting the hour into something productive — you notice, you smile, and you let the current have the boat back. That reach for the oars is not failure, by the way. It is the practice. Every time you release the handle, something in you learns a little more about trust.

Somewhere in the drift, something may arrest you. Stop there. You do not need to name it, photograph it, or turn it into a lesson. If something finds you, let it. And if nothing finds you — if the whole hour is just wind and footsteps and an ordinary sky — then the drifting itself was the prayer, and it was enough.

I want to say a particular word to those in a drifting season of life, because some of you did not choose your coracle. Retirement chose it. Recovery chose it. The empty house, the waiting room, the long stretch between what ended and whatever comes next. Our culture will tell you that because you are not doing anything, nothing is happening. The three men in the boat say otherwise. Being led is a form of prayer — perhaps the oldest one. And notice this, because it matters: the monks did not drift to relax. They drifted to be sent. Columba’s drift ended at Iona, and Iona changed the world. If you are in a season when the way forward is unclear, the drift is not the opposite of discernment. It is discernment, conducted at the speed of trust.

The other prayer forms will still be there when you come ashore — the chair, the sacred word, the Scriptures, the chapel. A Drifting Prayer replaces none of them. It simply consecrates the hours they cannot reach: the in-between ones, the unplanned ones, the ones we were about to waste by filling.

This week, then: one oarless hour. Choose your coracle. Say the six words. And let the current decide.

Where in your life are you still gripping the oars — and what might find you if, for one hour, you let the current decide?

Reflection Copyright 2026 Michael J. Cunningham OFS