The Coping Room

What is the coping room? For me it’s a metaphor for where I go when something needs to be sorted out or reviewed. Something that is bothering my soul and demands attention. In a house that represents ourselves in the world, there may be many rooms. It can be a small, easy to maintain vacation home with few, or a mansion with so many they are hard to count.

Each of us is different, but I think we all have one room which we may call the coping room. Imagine a space not dissimilar to the incident rooms of the best crime TV programs. They are wallpapered with the information they have, who are the players, victim(s), suspects, relationships, events relevant to what is being sought. Of course, I describe this room merely to relate to what may be on our minds when we are trying to cope with a situation. It might be a change of circumstance, and all the things either have, or must be altered as a result. An important relationship is changing and you are not sure what to do about it. Or a life event, expected or not. There are many reasons for us to enter the coping room, and I am sure what is on the walls and the furnishings used to cope are different for us all.

Perhaps the most important part of the coping room is how long it remains open for business. Do we close out the things that cause it to be open? Do we visit some more often than others?

For me at least, recognizing that there are things in the coping room forces me to visit quickly and often. Otherwise, we the problems or solutions that lie within remain embedded and will fester in some way. However, there is always one person that I sometimes forget to invite. When faced with difficulties the most important presence to have in this room with you is the almighty one. God. And yet, we believe, because of our personal skills and gifts that most problems can be solved alone, or if not alone with some trusted friend or spiritual advisor. There is nothing wrong with this of course, but forgetting that God should be invited is a critical mistake. When we don’t involve God in our lives, particularly the parts where we need to make key decisions, reparations, resolutions. All the paving stones on the Road of Peace we all seek.

Do you ever notice that “nothing” seems to phase some people? They can be faced with the hardest dilemmas and issues and yet, still seem to know what to do. I would argue that God is not only present in their coping room but has littered the walls with suggestions. “I am with you always”, “I am the vine, you are the branches.” “Remain in me, as I remain in you”. Yes, these scripture quotes remind us of the continuing presence within us, so the next time we turn the handle of the coping room door, and enter, we can be reminded that God is with us.

The coping room is not only a place of deliberation that we visit when something major comes up but can also be a room where we dart in for a moment or two before making an important decision. Seeing the coping room not only as a place of resolution or respite from longer-term decisions, but it can also be a place we visit to head longer-term problems off by discerning and deciding actions more quickly. In this way, the coping room can be a resource for us, not just a refuge to hide from what we don’t like in our lives.

Each of us has differing levels of tolerance, patience, understanding, and propensity to act. For this reason, there is no one-size coping room. How does your coping room look in your life? Do you visit often, or try and limit the visits? What would be on your walls? What is the furniture, books, resources, and tools that your coping room contains?

One of the key resources to help us is contemplative prayer. The prayer form when we are in close contact with God for our human as well as our spiritual well-being. Regardless of your disposition, being mindful of God will always help keep the coping room cleaner than we can manage alone.