A Spiritual Break

Posted on September 13, 2024 by Michael J. Cunningham · 5 Comments

Loving Yourself Part II

Loving Yourself – Part 2

In the Christian tradition the great commandment in the New Testament includes the words “love your neighbor as yourself”. I want to examine this “loving yourself” in a little more detail. Do we really love ourselves? I mean it’s an easy thing to say, but most of us, myself included, tend to be pretty hard on ourselves. We spend a lot of time focusing on the issues of forgiveness, primarily forgiving others, and occasionally ourselves.

And, we see God as the source of that forgiveness. Which of course is true. However, that’s not the same as self-love. Many of us, again myself included, tend to think of loving ourselves as a selfish activity. Nothing could be further from the truth. Loving ourselves is self-care, ensuring our happiness, moving more deeply in the internal spiritual journey towards inner peace, in fact, all of the above. And yet we feel, or some of us do at least, that this self-love is a guilty pleasure not to be savored.

Perhaps another way of looking at this is thinking about being compassionate to ourselves. Often, our compassion is outward-looking, seeing the need to be loving, forgiving, compassionate, and empathetic to those in the world around us. This of course is true again. And it’s a good thing. I’m not suggesting a reduction in this category! But can we be compassionate to ourselves? If we are not nourished spiritually, we see how quickly we can become dry and disillusioned in our outlook. We need this nourishment. It’s part of an internal holy longing to be peace-filled that drives almost everyone on the planet. This desire for inner peace requires some self-love. Just as we should not reject others, we shouldn’t reject ourselves. And yet, how many of us, if we asked the question “Do we love and care for ourselves?” answer this scriptural request. Love your neighbor as yourself. With the emphasis on yourself.

Sidebar: I think part of this is that much of our faith and how we operate in the world is intended to be outgoing. That love, compassion, and understanding is broadcast through us to others. Yet, sometimes, leaving nothing for ourselves.

This is not an either-or question. That we must choose between ourselves and those around us. The neighbors. Like many things in the spiritual world it is a both-and thing. Love your neighbors as yourself.

So I’m not suggesting that we immediately start doing things to love or pamper ourselves in a way that’s just pure self-indulgence. Although a little of that on occasion doesn’t necessarily hurt us. We all need a treat. But rather we do consider loving ourselves as an essential part of our spiritual life? We often spend time loving, or at least tolerating, those around us where there is a less-than-perfect relationship in place. Why would we not do the same for ourselves?

Again, in the Christian tradition, when Jesus issued that commandment, the great commandment, to love your God and love your neighbor as yourself, there were no caveats. There were no limits on forgiveness, unconditional love, or grace.

So perhaps we should consider self-love, self-compassion, and caring for our own soul as more of a priority. Just as we take care of our bodies and our health, our soul needs this whispering love that’s there for us all. Just like the air that we breathe.

Take a little time to reflect on the good parts that reside within and then love them. For they are all from God. And they are waiting to get out into the world through you.

For you are called to be an instrument of peace and love.

A Breakfast Conversation

Me: Good morning soul how are things today?

Soul: Not so bad, thank you for asking.

Me: What nourishment would you like for breakfast?

Soul: Oh, you normally don’t ask, that’s interesting.

Me: Hadn’t thought about it. I usually cook breakfast.

Soul: I get hungry too you know.

Me: I usually grab something on the way out and eat it in the car. Or I will eat later.

Soul: I saw you were cooking for all the others. Aren’t you going to feed me?

Me: Do you need feeding? I thought feeding the others would be enough to satisfy your cravings.

Soul: And why would you think that? I crave you as well as the others.

Posted on August 30, 2024 by Michael J. Cunningham

THE COMMON GOOD

The Common Good. A phrase often used but frequently misunderstood. What does the common good mean? Well depending on whether you’re looking at it from a philosophical perspective, theological perspective, or a very personal perspective you can end up looking at three very different animals.

In many respects, in Christianity at least, the common good is the result of loving God and each other. The great commandment of the New Testament is to love God and love one another as you love yourself. This can be tricky.

Sometimes it’s good to find definitions by looking at their opposing definitions. I would say the opposite of the common good, or rarely coincidental, is looking after #1. The common good is rarely served by just doing what you want, what benefits you, what pleases you, and what does not hurt you. Now there may be variables to that last sentence of meandering thought, but I would say it’s rare.

When we look after #1 that usually means someone around is going to be number two, three, or lower on the scale of importance. So perhaps the beginning of the common good is thinking of your fellow man or woman ever before you finalize that decision or take that action. The common good is inclusion. And its inclusion of what is best for all. Even if others don’t consider that. One example of the common good would-be law and its execution. When we have problems in the world, when someone crosses the line, at least in civil society, the law steps in. We determined that the common good is served by people not taking each other’s goods, by not hurting each other physically, or financially. And the law is there to protect us, some sort of guide for the common good.

However the common good means more than this. The common good means making decisions and doing things with compassion, with kindness, with Care for each other. It has a particular emphasis on those who cannot help themselves easily. The needy, the sick, the troubled, the helpless. Some parts of the common good are very obvious. For example raising a child. A child cannot feed itself, at least not initially, cannot look after itself, pay for itself and therefore the expectation, in the vernacular of the common good, it’s for parents to raise the child into adulthood. And often beyond. Because our closest relations, children and siblings in particular are considered to be an obligation to practice the common good, we don’t think about it too much. We just do it.

However when we start considering those outside the fold. Those outside our family. Outside our political beliefs, outside our race or gender, Then we may not be thinking about it in the same way. It says our common good is not quite so common. But rather more specific. It is this ability or willingness to think about others, even those we don’t like, within the constraints of the common good. By having the guardrails of the common good in our society we treat each other with some consistency, some compassion, some kindness, even when we don’t feel like doing so.

Caring about those who don’t care about you can be difficult. While we don’t deliberately want to put ourselves in harm’s way, we do want others to have the same rights as we do, otherwise what sort of society would we have?

The common good is also greatly served in our relationship with God and with others. It’s hard to be mad with others and in love with God. Our heart strives for resolution, or at least in a change in the others.

As we enter into contemplative prayer we are opening our heart to God, but can we have it be open if we have already determined that some should have more of the common good than others? Just as we don’t want to deny others their rights or opportunities, we don’t want any limits for ourselves. As I mentioned early in this reflection the common good can be tricky. But there is an open doorway. The doorway we have found in contemplative prayer. What if others could see it? Could experience it? Now that would be something for the common good. Where we all were treated equal and there was no number one. Or if there was one, it was not me.

Posted on July 19, 2024 by Michael J. Cunningham

Contemplation

Contemplation

The word contemplation brings up all sorts of thoughts and prejudices. As I write this reflection, we are getting ready for a six-day silent retreat titled “Following the Footprints of Contemplative Prayer”.

While the topic of contemplation has been the subject of many books, there is not universal agreement on what it means, with perhaps one exception. Contemplation occurs when there is an experience of the divine, or if you like, a palpable encounter with God. Again, even this definition may have others refine or define it differently.

Having spent a great deal of time “in” this subject from an academic, theological, and spiritual perspective over many years, I see several steps which lead up to a potential contemplative encounter or “state”.

When we experience contemplation we will have an encounter with something ineffable. Difficult to explain or describe, but something that is only in the knowing, in the experience itself. These often manifest themselves in an experience of being peace-filled or an experience of love. The more untethered that experience is, the more powerful it becomes. This reservoir of peace or love is something which sustains us in the world and is provided by the communication of love and peace. This is done through grace. We can think of grace as the means to bring us to a contemplative place, a place of loving, of peace. Grace is God’s love communicated directly.

This can be triggered by many means, prayer, in its contemplative forms, being one means that many use to invite the divine which resides within us all, to dwell most wonderfully so we may experience God directly.

To move towards this contemplative state we first need to be aware and notice what is going on around us. We are in the present. In the Now. As we do so we inevitably begin to reflect on what we are noticing, of what we are aware.

Once we are deep in reflection, the second state in the process, we can then move into contemplation. This could be triggered by prayer in a variety of forms, and frequently is facilitated by the process of discernment, where we have an open heart and mind and a willingness to involve God in whatever is on our heart. However, contemplative prayer does not require us to be asking something from God, rather is only requires us to “rest in God” as many Saints, mystics and spiritual leaders have proposed over the centuries.

Contemplation and the various routes to seeking and experiencing it have been a key element of our relationship with God in many traditions. The Christian Mystical Tradition has many paths that are well worth exploring for those looking to deepen their relationship with God.

You might argue that anyone who has experienced that feeling of inner peace, of love from within, of love from others has had a contemplative experience. An encounter with God. So even those who may not be following a particular faith path still get to feel and experience God’s love in this way.

For many, the contemplative way is the only path to true inner peace. Most of us are still finding our way.

Posted on June 14, 2024 by Michael J. Cunningham · 2 Comments

The Intention behind the Intention

THE INTENTION BEHIND THE INTENTION

When my children were young, they all loved us to read before going to bed. One of my boys, Ryan, was the largest of the kids but also the biggest, most loving baby. He always wanted me to be there for him.

At the time of his formative years, I was in a crazy Information Technology management role, hours were long and so time with the family was precious. Ryan would consistently ask for me to read to him in the evening, and even though I tried to make it up to his room before he fell asleep, it was not always so.

Sometimes we have good intentions to spend time with people, call them, just be with them, and we fail to do so. As parenthood can be a guilt-ridden experience punctuated by love, I always return to the example of my son when I don’t get to something in the time I promised it.

Our intention is one thing, to do something good, with a loving heart; and yet sometimes we add so many things to our good intentions list that it becomes impossible to get all done when we advertise it. This often leaves us with a sense of “unfinishedness” in our days and weeks. Then we discern if we just put too much on our plate, or whether we are poor managers of our time. I have been in both circumstances in my life.

However, if we return to the intention behind the encounter, we can still return to previous internal conversations, “Was this based in love?” If it was, it turns out we can always return to fix it later. Children, particularly young children, are like dogs. They possess unconditional love and a bottomless well for forgiveness. We don’t even have to ask them for forgiveness. Just an “I love you” or “I’m sorry” is more than enough … at least until they become teenagers!

So today, let’s add the intention to the task whatever it is and become surprised how we can turns tasks into acts of love and try and remain as guilt-free as possible for the unaccomplished actions of today. For tomorrow will dawn again to allow us to revisit the child who is waiting for us to read to them in their lives.

Read to me

Read to me tonight dad,

It’s really not so late,

I want to hear that Seuss,

Just once again, it’s great

Oh don’t say that you’ll be up,

The minutes ticking by,

I am getting lonely here,

Myself and just one book.

I love it when you read to me,

Oh do so come and tell,

It is the only time we get,

To have our hug and spell.

Dad, the book is open on my bed,

I have the page right here

Is Dr. Seuss so dead?

Oh do come up and read.

Maybe he will come quite soon,

I’m getting rather sleepy,

Happy are the sounds down there,

Perhaps work has made him weary.

It’s morning now, my school day starts,

I’m off to early art,

Perhaps tonight I’ll win the prize,

Seuss and right from the start;

Oh Daddy, come and read to me.

Posted on June 7, 2024 by Michael J. Cunningham

“A dose of Hopium please, and hold the sarcasm”

“A dose of Hopium please, and hold the sarcasm”

This week I ran across a word that is used in the internet world and increasingly in mainstream journalism. The word is hopium.

Here is Google search definition of the word, which seems as good as any:

Hopium

irrational optimism

Hopium is very similar to copium, in that it’s a meme word that shouldn’t necessarily be taken seriously. While copium is used in a situation where someone needs to ‘cope’ with something, hopium is a term used to mock ‘false hope’ or irrational optimism. Source: Google

While initially getting the giggles at hearing this word, I started to think about it in the context that it had been written. Irrational Optimism. There is something both lovely and crazy about irrational optimism. So many things are achieved in the world because we don’t think they can be done. Is it optimism or incredible persistence that is responsible? Well usually optimism does not achieve much on its own, it usually must be followed up with action on behalf of the optimist(s) and then, when they start to make something happen that paves the way for what seemed untenable, their optimism is recognized as a gift, a charism, a skill, and not as some painful craziness handed down from above.

Still, when others use the comments about hopium it is usually dealt with some sarcasm and inuendo that is not trying to put the writer/dispenser of hopium in a good light. It often focuses on the irrationality of the hope that lies within, hope that is further shrouded in optimism, to further hide any message of joy or hope that may be contained in the message.

When we consider the phrase outside of the giggles, abuse or critique that was intended by the reader, there is something more there. At least for me. I might argue the definition of hope, at least from a spiritual perspective, is confidence that all will be well in the end. That God will deliver, despite the difficulties that are being encountered at the time. Julian of Norwich, the English mystic from the middle ages, said it with her key phrase. “All will be well. All manner of things will be well.” This confidence in God holds us tight when the signs around us may not let us observe the same story. We will be safe. It will work out in the end. I don’t just have trust, I have confidence in God. All will be well.

So hopium may have something to do with hope, in the theological sense after all. Just because someone does not understand the other person’s perspective, their desires for “all to be well”, their willingness to follow others up the hill, on a beach in Normandy, to care for the uncared, all tell us that they have been hoping, trusting, confidently that God will deliver. Even when the outcome seems irrational and impossible. Even when the optimism is not understood, because others cannot follow in the same path.

And yet, the impossible happens, the irrational happens, the optimism happens. As hope provides a road of confidence worth traveling. A road worth exploring.

So next time you are in the deli, order a hope-filled sandwich with optimistic mayo and hold the sarcasm.