When the Call doesn’t answer back

Have you ever had this sense, where you felt like there’s been a clear call to do something, be somewhere, or make a move, that will bring you to a different place in your life. I’m sure you have. 

For the most part, we often find that once that call has been made, and we have responded, something good, even unexpected is going to happen. And perhaps it does.

That is not what I’m talking about here. What happens when you’ve responded to that call, and then, silence? Not necessarily silence in that pleasant, divine darkness that we may find in prayer. But silence which is absence. When the Call doesn’t answer back. 

We have seemed like we’ve heard from God, yet now it seems we’re on our own. We’re in some space that we’re not used to. Liminal space, a space in between. Somewhere between going somewhere, and being not sure if we’ve arrived. The train may have stopped, but the doors aren’t open, and the lights aren’t on at the railway station, so we’re not really sure where we are. Or where we should go next. 

I have had this feeling a few times in my life. Some may describe this as the night of the soul. But it’s not an absence of God, as we know God is never really absent. However, things are quiet, seemingly unresponsive, a waiting time. Perhaps where we’re being tested. 

A time when our mind wanders and we begin to worry about did we make the right call, or did we hear the call correctly? And yet, I’m sure I did, we are sure we did.

The strange feeling of nothingness, as if there’s no rudder on the boat, we cannot steer or be sure if we’re even moving forward or not. We may be close to the destination, or the light that will lead us forward, but it is as if our GPS is broken, and our cell phone has just run out of battery power.

When the call doesn’t answer back, we find a new opportunity for reflection, for some, it may be distressing, it’s a time for patience; when perhaps we have the least. It’s when we were sure we were doing the right thing, but now, maybe less so. Our need for reassurance and communication can become intensive at times like this. We want to hear from God. And soon.

Depending on the amount of listening we’re doing, or how sorry we might be feeling for ourselves, this might feel like abandonment. We’ve been dropped off in the middle of the field or the desert, without instructions, a compass, or any idea where we are. Except we are at the place we were called to, and now we’re somewhat unsure of ourselves, or our decision-making process. Most of us get the opportunity to make deliberate decisions in our lives, and therefore this feeling of powerlessness can be overwhelming, particularly when feeling it for the first few times. 

And yet it may well be that in this powerlessness, the sitting in this strange liminal space is where we will move into a new relationship with the divine. Whereby releasing our power, our desire to control where we’ll be next, and to accept what’s coming next, that we really may grow. Spiritually. 

Image and Reflection Copyright 2024 Michael J. Cunningham OFS