Posted on by Michael J. Cunningham · 1 Comment

The Coping Room

The Coping Room

What is the coping room? For me it’s a metaphor for where I go when something needs to be sorted out or reviewed. Something that is bothering my soul and demands attention. In a house that represents ourselves in the world, there may be many rooms. It can be a small, easy to maintain vacation home with few, or a mansion with so many they are hard to count.

Each of us is different, but I think we all have one room which we may call the coping room. Imagine a space not dissimilar to the incident rooms of the best crime TV programs. They are wallpapered with the information they have, who are the players, victim(s), suspects, relationships, events relevant to what is being sought. Of course, I describe this room merely to relate to what may be on our minds when we are trying to cope with a situation. It might be a change of circumstance, and all the things either have, or must be altered as a result. An important relationship is changing and you are not sure what to do about it. Or a life event, expected or not. There are many reasons for us to enter the coping room, and I am sure what is on the walls and the furnishings used to cope are different for us all.

Perhaps the most important part of the coping room is how long it remains open for business. Do we close out the things that cause it to be open? Do we visit some more often than others?

For me at least, recognizing that there are things in the coping room forces me to visit quickly and often. Otherwise, we the problems or solutions that lie within remain embedded and will fester in some way. However, there is always one person that I sometimes forget to invite. When faced with difficulties the most important presence to have in this room with you is the almighty one. God. And yet, we believe, because of our personal skills and gifts that most problems can be solved alone, or if not alone with some trusted friend or spiritual advisor. There is nothing wrong with this of course, but forgetting that God should be invited is a critical mistake. When we don’t involve God in our lives, particularly the parts where we need to make key decisions, reparations, resolutions. All the paving stones on the Road of Peace we all seek.

Do you ever notice that “nothing” seems to phase some people? They can be faced with the hardest dilemmas and issues and yet, still seem to know what to do. I would argue that God is not only present in their coping room but has littered the walls with suggestions. “I am with you always”, “I am the vine, you are the branches.” “Remain in me, as I remain in you”. Yes, these scripture quotes remind us of the continuing presence within us, so the next time we turn the handle of the coping room door, and enter, we can be reminded that God is with us.

The coping room is not only a place of deliberation that we visit when something major comes up but can also be a room where we dart in for a moment or two before making an important decision. Seeing the coping room not only as a place of resolution or respite from longer-term decisions, but it can also be a place we visit to head longer-term problems off by discerning and deciding actions more quickly. In this way, the coping room can be a resource for us, not just a refuge to hide from what we don’t like in our lives.

Each of us has differing levels of tolerance, patience, understanding, and propensity to act. For this reason, there is no one-size coping room. How does your coping room look in your life? Do you visit often, or try and limit the visits? What would be on your walls? What is the furniture, books, resources, and tools that your coping room contains?

One of the key resources to help us is contemplative prayer. The prayer form when we are in close contact with God for our human as well as our spiritual well-being. Regardless of your disposition, being mindful of God will always help keep the coping room cleaner than we can manage alone.

Posted on by Michael J. Cunningham

“A dose of Hopium please, and hold the sarcasm”

“A dose of Hopium please, and hold the sarcasm”

This week I ran across a word that is used in the internet world and increasingly in mainstream journalism. The word is hopium. 


Here is Google search definition of the word, which seems as good as any:

Hopium

irrational optimism

Hopium is very similar to copium, in that it’s a meme word that shouldn’t necessarily be taken seriously. While copium is used in a situation where someone needs to ‘cope’ with something, hopium is a term used to mock ‘false hope’ or irrational optimism. Source: Google 

While initially getting the giggles at hearing this word, I started to think about it in the context that it had been written. Irrational Optimism. There is something both lovely and crazy about irrational optimism. So many things are achieved in the world because we don’t think they can be done. Is it optimism or incredible persistence that is responsible? Well usually optimism does not achieve much on its own, it usually must be followed up with action on behalf of the optimist(s) and then, when they start to make something happen that paves the way for what seemed untenable, their optimism is recognized as a gift, a charism, a skill, and not as some painful craziness handed down from above. 

Still, when others use the comments about hopium it is usually dealt with some sarcasm and inuendo that is not trying to put the writer/dispenser of hopium in a good light. It often focuses on the irrationality of the hope that lies within, hope that is further shrouded in optimism, to further hide any message of joy or hope that may be contained in the message. 

When we consider the phrase outside of the giggles, abuse or critique that was intended by the reader, there is something more there. At least for me. I might argue the definition of hope, at least from a spiritual perspective, is confidence that all will be well in the end. That God will deliver, despite the difficulties that are being encountered at the time. Julian of Norwich, the English mystic from the middle ages, said it with her key phrase. “All will be well. All manner of things will be well.” This confidence in God holds us tight when the signs around us may not let us observe the same story. We will be safe. It will work out in the end. I don’t just have trust, I have confidence in God. All will be well.

So hopium may have something to do with hope, in the theological sense after all. Just because someone does not understand the other person’s perspective, their desires for “all to be well”, their willingness to follow others up the hill, on a beach in Normandy, to care for the uncared, all tell us that they have been hoping, trusting, confidently that God will deliver. Even when the outcome seems irrational and impossible. Even when the optimism is not understood, because others cannot follow in the same path. 

And yet, the impossible happens, the irrational happens, the optimism happens. As hope provides a road of confidence worth traveling. A road worth exploring. 

So next time you are in the deli, order a hope-filled sandwich with optimistic mayo and hold the sarcasm. 

Reflection and photograph Copyright 2024 Michael J. Cunningham OFS 

Posted on by Michael J. Cunningham · 2 Comments

Fresh Fields

Fresh fields

Fresh fields: an older phrase perhaps falling into a little disuse these days. What does it mean? It means moving on to pastures new, yet another farming analogy thrown in there, or rather just changing something in your life.

This can come in all shapes and sizes. Some of them are minor, some of them spectacular. Changing jobs, romances, partnerships, places to live and work, spiritual disposition, the list goes on. 

Sometimes when we hear the words fresh fields or new pastures, we may have been invited to them without asking for them. A company takeover happens, your family is relocating as a child then you have to go with them, the breakup with the lover or spouse. Sometimes the fresh fields are forced upon us, and they feel more like a delivery of manure than the morning sun rising on some beautiful new horizon. 

Nevertheless, regardless of whether we are involved in deciding what the new direction is, or whether it’s been foisted upon us, we have to make the best of it.

Probably the first thing that happens as we start to imagine what it’s going to be like in these new fresh fields. What will I need to do differently, will I need new skills or attitude, will I need to adjust, what will I need to take with me? And if others are coming along, how do I convince them that this is a good idea or an inevitable one? These things are often milling around our heads, or hearts as we try and determine how best to deal with things.

In my own life, I’ve been through many transitions that could be defined as fresh fields. Certainly, meeting my wife in South Africa many years ago called for many fresh fields to appear on the horizon in a very short period. Marriage. Immigration to a new country. New jobs. All within a matter of months. 

Other changes can be more minor, a change of home, new hobbies or skills, perhaps new friends. The interesting thing about fresh fields, particularly if there’s more than one going with you to these new fresh fields, is that everyone sees them slightly differently. What you might see as an advantage and an opportunity, creates worry and terror running through the veins of those you are bringing with you. Children are very adaptable to change, but like the rest of us we develop habits, we have places that are close to our hearts, things in familiar surroundings; and we are often reluctant to leave them. 

In my own life I have seen people who have made massive changes, move to many fresh fields over time, and those who have done less. Those who remained in the town or the country of their birth, and their families now live close to and around them. It is not a one-size-fits-all; these fresh fields. We can resist the fields, and grow hedges that obscure our vision so we don’t have to look that far ahead or make those decisions. I can’t say that I see anything wrong with that. But for others wanting to look over the hedge, just wanting to see what’s in those fields just a little distance away, it is what motivates us. Again, I do not see anything wrong with either. 

However, I do think the willingness to look at fresh fields, and to be open, if not just for yourself, then for the others around you is a healthy disposition. When I was young, I always quoted myself two things. As if I needed reminding, actually I think I did need reminding which is why I continued to quote them to myself. 

These are:

there is no rewind button in life and there are only two variables in life time and how you use it.

This doesn’t mean that we don’t have regrets, and when we do have regrets, we can perhaps adapt our lives so we don’t regret them a second time, or in some cases the third time. And yet there’s also a willingness that should be present, a desire to take some risk, to move into some of those fresh fields, perhaps learning a new skill, meeting new people, modifying your attitude in some way, that is important. 

It’s important because it may change how we feel about the fresh fields before we see them, before we reach them, before we settle in them. 

Image and Reflection Copyright 2024 Michael J. Cunningham OFS