The Mothering Instinct
We have just come off Mother’s Day and have finished all the congratulating, bowing down, and blessing associated with all of those mothers. Mothers are incredible, some more incredible than others of course. I wonder where mothers get it from?
People talk about the mothering instinct, the instinct to care, to cuddle, to comfort; to provide safety for those near them.
Whether we have been parents or just children we all know how that feels. At its best it is amazing and even at times when you wish there was a little more mothering, we all recognize it. Whether we are giving or receiving.
Today I’m talking about today is that impulse, that mothering desire that has both a pull and push to it. Those mothering do most of the pushing and the children are drawn into it, they find themselves pulling toward the mother, even when they want to resist. We want to be drawn into that place or we can cuddle up on our mother’s lap and everything will be OK. Just like when they were carrying us.
I think because mothers have such a special part in creation (certainly fathers participate as well) but most of the growth and the nurturing and the care happens the mother goes through the development steps of pregnancy. From conception to birth is on the mother. The one with the lump in front of her reminds her of the growing child within her, reminding her of the part of creation that started and now will finish with the birth of an infant. And then it will begin again after the birth of the infant. For they always remain a child, and we are always a child to our mothers.
Hormonally we know that things change within a few days of pregnancy. We know if the female is pregnant and the baby within needs the nutrients that the mother takes, then the baby gets fed first. The always first mode for the children often continues for the rest of the child’s life.
I know my own wife is a great example of the servanthood associated with mothering. Being a mother, she does not think that much of herself (not in a negative way) but she’s usually thinking of others first particularly if it’s the children. What do they get in return; well usually they get the unconditional love of a child even though sometimes it’s hard to recognize.
The beacon of unconditional love keeps flashing for the most part in mothers for most of their lives. Fathers can participate in this process as well. There is a female side, a mothering side in most males as well, although society tends to try and make as many alpha males as possible, thereby encouraging us men to smother our mothering instincts. And yet these mothering instinct, this beacon of always available unconditional love, is what calls us in prayer. Here, sitting gently in the lap of God, we can receive that love just in the same way as we received this love from our mothers. Mothering instincts are not limited to mothers, we all have something impelling us to help others to be there for them, even when we have to practice what appears to be tough love, this is still a display of mothering, just perhaps less welcome to the child at the time, whatever their age.
Who do you mother in your life? And who mothers you? I think we know the answer to the second question, and the first question may require some investigation.
Mothering is a multiplayer game, in which we all need to participate.
Copyright 2024 Michael J. Cunningham OFS