Posted on by Michael J. Cunningham

The Other Way In

The Other Way In

I have enormous respect for Thomas Merton.

His willingness to go deep — to sit in silence long enough that the noise of the constructed self finally runs out of things to say — is one of the most serious spiritual commitments a human being can make. Richard Rohr, too. His insistence that we stop splitting the world into tidy categories, that we learn to sit with complexity rather than resolve it into something manageable — that kind of thinking has opened doors for countless people who thought the Church had nothing left to offer them.

I am not dismissing any of that. I want to say that plainly before I say what comes next.

But I want to talk about a different door.

Most of us don’t live in monasteries. Most of us don’t have hours of protected silence. We live in the middle of things — difficult meetings, fractured relationships, financial pressure, the particular chaos of a family in the morning before anyone has had enough coffee. We live in the world as it actually is, not as we wish it were, and that world has a way of arriving faster than any interior preparation can handle.

The traditional model of spiritual transformation — the one Merton and Rohr both inhabit, each in their own way — starts inside. Get the values right. Shift the interior architecture. Deconstruct the false self. Achieve non-dual awareness. And then, once the inner work is done, the outer behavior will follow.

I understand this model. I believe in its depth.

And I am genuinely grateful both of them exist. These are huge contributions. They have opened the tradition to people who thought it was closed to them, and they have changed lives — including mine.

However, I have also noticed — in myself as much as anywhere — is that the gap between understanding something and living it in the actual friction of a Tuesday afternoon is real, and wide, and it doesn’t close automatically. You can have read every word Merton ever wrote and still send the email you shouldn’t send. You can understand Rohr’s concept of the shadow self and still find it fully operational at dinner. This is not a failure of the tradition. It is simply the truth that the interior life and the ordinary life don’t always find each other on their own. They need a bridge. And the more bridges we can build, the better.

And I have found — something the Franciscan tradition has always quietly known — is that sometimes the door into the interior life opens from the outside. Not always. Not exclusively. But for many people, in many seasons of life, the place where transformation begins is in the next small behavior.

Not the next retreat. The next conversation.

Not the next chapter of a difficult book. The next breath, taken deliberately before you respond to something that made you angry.

Francis of Assisi didn’t begin with a theology. He began with an embrace. A leper on a road. A revulsion he chose not to act on. And something shifted — not in his ideas about holiness, but in him, at the level of his actual life. The action opened the door. The transformation followed the doing.

This is what Sacred Noticing asks: not that you first achieve a correct interior disposition, but that you change one behavior, right now, in this moment. Notice what is actually happening in you before you react. Pause long enough for something wiser to surface. Respond from that place rather than from the momentum of your first impulse.

That is not a lesser form of spiritual practice. It is a different entry point to the same territory.

The spiritual footprint you leave behind — the emotional atmosphere you create in a room, the quality of attention you bring to the person in front of you, the trace that remains after you’ve moved on — that footprint doesn’t wait for your interior life to be sorted out. It is happening now. Every day. In every encounter.

The question isn’t whether you are leaving one. You are.

The question is what kind.

And the work of noticing that — not in theory, but in the actual texture of your day — has a way of teaching you things about yourself that no amount of reading ever quite manages. You discover your own values not by reflecting on them in the abstract, but by watching what you actually do when something unexpected arrives. You find out what you truly believe not in the quiet of a chapel, but in the sudden pressure of a difficult moment.

The interior life and the exterior life are not two separate projects. They feed each other. Act well enough times, and the values begin to follow. Behave with more patience than you feel, and one day you notice you really feel more patient.

This is not a shortcut. It is a different road up the same mountain.

Merton will take you somewhere profound. So will Rohr. I have learned from both of them, and I suspect I will keep learning. The tradition needs every door it can find. It always has. The monastery and the marketplace have always been two ways into the same life, and the people who found God in one have rarely regretted that there were people finding God in the other.

But if you are a person living inside an ordinary, complicated life — if you have commitments and pressures and relationships that don’t pause for your spiritual development — then the door I want to show you is right here. In your next meeting. Your next disagreement. The next time something small goes wrong and you feel the familiar pressure beginning to build.

That is the place. That is the practice.

You don’t have to find a monastery.

You are already standing in one.

— Michael J. Cunningham, OFS, D.Min. spiritualbreak.com

Adapted from The Practice of Sacred Noticing: Transforming Your Spiritual Footprint

 

 

Posted on by Michael J. Cunningham

No Permission Required

The Threshold You’re Already Standing On

There is a particular kind of spiritual exhaustion that comes not from absence, but from misdirection.

You may have been looking for the sacred in the wrong places. Not because you chose poorly, but because someone, somewhere, gave you the impression that it lived somewhere else. In a special silence. A retreat center. A rare moment of clarity. A time in your life when things calmed down enough to finally pay attention.

And so, you have been waiting.

I understand this. I have done it myself.

The strange thing about contemplative practice — the thing it takes years to inhabit rather than just understand — is that the threshold you’ve been waiting to cross is the one you’re standing on right now. Not metaphorically. Literally. The doorway of the room you just walked through. The pause before you answer a question someone is waiting for. The moment between an email arriving and your hands beginning to type.

These are not interruptions to the spiritual life. They are the spiritual life.

Francis of Assisi understood this with a kind of reckless clarity. He didn’t organize a program. He didn’t develop a curriculum. He stepped outside and started paying attention. He called the sun his brother and the moon his sister not because he was being poetic, but because he had stopped dividing the world into sacred and secular categories. He had noticed that everything was already charged with presence.

That noticing changed everything. Not just for him — for everyone around him.

What we leave behind in an encounter also matters. Not just our words or our decisions, but the quality of our presence. The warmth or coolness of the atmosphere after we’ve left a room. Whether the people we’ve just spoken with feel more seen or less. More capable or less. Whether something has been added to the world, or quietly subtracted.

This is not a small thing. It accumulates over a lifetime into something that looks very much like a legacy.

The practice isn’t complicated. It asks only that you stop long enough for wisdom to catch up with the pace you’re moving. Perhaps one, maybe three breaths. One moment of genuine attention before you respond. The willingness to notice what is actually here, before assuming you already know.

Ancient voices — from the desert fathers to the Celtic saints to Francis himself — kept returning to this same insistence: that the sacred is not something you attain. It is something you stop running past.

Your ordinary life is already the place. Your daily commute, the difficult conversation you’ve been putting off, the moment your child says something you almost miss because you’re half somewhere else. These are the thin places. Not because they’ve been designated as holy, but because any place becomes thin the moment you stop moving through it, arrive, and then stay there.

You don’t have to go anywhere.

You just have to notice where you already are.

— Michael J. Cunningham, OFS, D.Min. spiritualbreak.com

Reflection derived from the work contained in The Practice of Sacred Noticing: Transforming Your Spiritual Footprint.

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The Play We Have Already Written

A Spiritual Reflection on the Characters We Carry

Somewhere along the way, without quite deciding to, we became playwrights.

Not of fiction. Of the people we know.

We took the person — the partner, the colleague, the difficult brother, the aging parent, the friend who disappoints us in the same way every time — and we began to write them. Slowly, from accumulated evidence. Scene by scene, exchange by exchange, over months and years of shared life, until we had assembled something remarkably complete: a full character, with established traits, predictable responses, known weaknesses, recognizable lines.

We know what they will say before they say it. We know how they will react before they react. We know the shape of their resistance, the particular texture of their defensiveness, the way they will eventually come around or the way they definitively will not. We have, without ever using the word for it, become the expert on who they are.

And we carry that character with us into every encounter. Already written. Already cast. Already placed, in our minds, in the scene that is about to unfold.

Evagrius (fourth century theologian) would have recognized this. He mapped a version of it in his teaching on the logismoi — the thought-streams that arise within us and, if unobserved, construct a narrative so familiar that we mistake it for reality. The logismos of anger, for example, does not simply make us irritable. At its more developed stages it creates an entire interpretive framework — a lens through which the person before us is perpetually seen as threatening, inadequate, or in need of correction. We are no longer responding to what they are doing. We are responding to the character that anger, operating invisibly within us, has written for them.

The same is true of sadness, which writes characters that perpetually fail us. Of vainglory, which writes characters as audiences for our own performance. Of pride, which writes everyone as slightly less than ourselves. Each passion has its preferred cast, its recurring narrative, its predetermined ending toward which every scene is quietly being directed.

We do not experience this as bias. We experience it as knowledge.

This is who they are. I know them. I have seen this before. I know how this goes.

And we are often right enough about enough details that the illusion of accurate perception is very convincingly maintained. The character we have written is, after all, based on real observation. It is not fabricated from nothing. The difficulty is more subtle than simple error.

The difficulty is that the character has become fixed. The person before us continues to live and change and surprise — continues to carry, within them, the full unpredictable depth of a human soul that no amount of accumulated observation has yet fully disclosed. But the character we carry has stopped moving. It was written at some point, with the evidence available at that point, and it has remained largely unchanged since. Because changing it would require us to receive something new about this person, and receiving something new requires the willingness to be surprised, and the willingness to be surprised requires the one thing that long familiarity most powerfully resists.

The Pause. Here is what actually happens, in the ordinary exchanges of ordinary life, when the play we have written meets the person who is supposed to be performing it.

We arrive at the encounter already inside the script. Our position is prepared. Our likely response to their likely response is already assembled. We have, in the privacy of our own minds, conducted a version of this conversation before it has begun — and we have arrived, in that private rehearsal, at the conclusion we need. Now we simply require the other person to play their part so we can arrive there together.

They generally do not comply perfectly. People rarely do. There is usually some deviation from the expected lines — a moment of unexpected warmth from someone we had written as cold, a deflection where we anticipated engagement, a silence where we had scripted defensiveness. These deviations are the grace in the encounter. They are the place where the actual person momentarily exceeds the character we have assigned them.

But we rarely notice them as grace. More often we experience them as interference. An anomaly to be explained, or absorbed back into the existing framework, or noted as an exception that does not disturb the general characterization we have established.

Because the script, once written, is remarkably resistant to revision.

Evagrius called the unobserved operation of the passions a form of captivity — not dramatic captivity, not the captivity of obvious sin, but the quiet captivity of a person who has lost the ability to truly see because the thought-stream operating within them has become the lens through which everything is perceived. The logismos of anger does not announce itself as anger. It presents itself as accurate perception. I am not angry. I am simply seeing this person clearly.

This is the deepest form of the dynamic. We are not performing a script. We are perceiving reality. The character we have written is not a character to us — it is the person. And the narrative we have pre-determined is not a narrative — it is simply what is true.

Sacred Noticing addresses this not by telling us we are wrong about the people we think we know — which is both ineffective and often partially untrue — but by interrupting the sequence at its most critical point.

Between the first movement of recognition and the assembled response, there is a gap.

In that gap, if we allow it, something is possible that the script cannot accommodate.

Notice. Something is arising. A familiar pattern in this person, or so it seems. A movement within me that I recognize — the particular quality of readiness that means I already know what this is and what I think of it.

Notice that too. Notice not just what the other person is doing, but what is already assembling inside me in response. The character I am about to address is not only out there. It is also, and perhaps primarily, an interior construction. I am the playwright. And I am about to perform my own scripted role in the scene I have written.

Pause. Not to interrogate this. Not to analyze the origins of the characterization or work through whether it is fair. Simply to stop, for one moment, before the prepared response is delivered.

In that pause, nothing is required. The script is still there. The character is still there. The accumulated history that produced both is still entirely present. The pause does not erase any of it.

It simply creates, within the encounter, one moment of genuine openness. One moment in which the question is not how do I respond to who I know this person to be but something quieter and more honest: who is actually here?

That question — barely a question, more like a brief interior opening — is one of the most radical acts available to a human being in ordinary relational life. It does not require the dismantling of everything we know. It requires only the willingness, for one unrehearsed moment, to not know completely.

Respond. What comes from that open moment is not the scripted response. It is something less defended, less strategic, less aimed at the predetermined conclusion. It may still say something very similar to what the script would have said. But it will carry a different quality — the quality of something that has actually received the person before speaking to them.

That difference is not always visible from the outside. Sometimes it changes nothing practically. But it changes everything in the quality of the encounter itself — for the person who is finally, even briefly, being met rather than managed. And for the one who has finally, even briefly, set down the burden of already knowing.

The characters we carry are not malicious. They are the accumulated effort of a self trying to navigate a complex world with some degree of orientation and efficiency. They are, in their own way, a form of love — the love that pays enough attention to actually learn the shape of another person’s patterns and difficulties and gifts.

The problem is not that we know the people we love. The problem is when knowing hardens into certainty. When the living, changing, perpetually surprising person before us disappears into the fixed character we have constructed in their place. When the play we have written becomes more real to us than the person standing in front of us, waiting — whether they know it or not — to be received rather than performed at.

Evagrius spent his life in the desert learning to see his own interior movements before they became his perception of reality. He called this nepsis — the unhurried watchfulness that notices what is arising before it becomes the lens through which everything is seen.

Sacred Noticing takes that ancient practice and walks it directly into the encounter — into the moment when the character you have written for someone else is about to be confirmed once again, and the space between recognition and response opens, briefly, like a window.

In that space, you do not have to perform your part.

You do not have to deliver the line the script requires.

You can simply pause — and in pausing, receive the extraordinary ordinary gift of the actual person. Who is always, it turns out, more than you wrote them to be. More complex, more fragile, more capable of surprise. More themselves, and therefore more capable of genuine encounter, than the character ever was.

The play we have written is not the scripture of their life.

It is only, and at most, our first draft.

Grace, when we allow it, is always working on a revision.

 

 

 

© Michael J. Cunningham, OFS — spiritualbreak.com.

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The Anatomy of a Bad Decision

A Spiritual Break Reflection

 

Most of us have made a decision we knew, somewhere inside us, was wrong before we made it.

Not wrong in the abstract. Wrong in the specific; this choice, this moment, this particular departure from the person we are trying to become. And yet we made it anyway. Quickly, often. With a kind of relief that comes not from wisdom but from the exhaustion of holding the tension any longer.

This is worth examining. Not to assign blame — the self is not on trial here — but because the anatomy of a bad decision reveals something true about the territory Sacred Noticing is meant to inhabit.

— ✦ —

What Sacred Noticing Actually Does

The Practice of Sacred Noticing rests on a deceptively simple rhythm: Notice. Pause. Respond.

But the simplicity is not naivety. Each movement carries weight.

To Notice is to bring contemplative attention to what is actually present — not what you expected, not what you hoped for, not what your accumulated history tells you must be there. To see the actual situation rather than the version your nervous system has already prepared a response for.

To Pause is to create the space that makes wisdom possible. The Three-Breath Method interrupts the amygdala’s reactive momentum, grounds you in the actual present, and opens access to the prefrontal cortex where integrated judgment lives. This is not technique layered over spirituality. It is the spiritual act — the ancient contemplative discipline of refusing to let urgency dictate reality.

To Respond is to act from what has been revealed in the pause rather than from what the reactive self had already decided before the pause began.

Together, these three movements form what might be called a spiritual footprint — the accumulated quality of presence you leave in every encounter, conscious and intentional rather than leaked and reactive. Every interaction leaves a trace. Sacred Noticing makes that trace an act of care rather than an accident of circumstance.

This is the practice in its health. Now consider what happens in its absence.

— ✦ —

The Anatomy of What We Skip

When we bypass the practice — and we do, regularly — there is usually a reason. Not a good reason. But a real one.

The most common is urgency. Real or constructed, the sense that this must be decided now collapses the space between stimulus and response into something too narrow for wisdom to enter. We mistake velocity for competence. We confuse acting quickly with acting well. The decision is made before the question has been properly formed.

The second is discomfort. Holding a genuine question open — truly open, without the false resolution of a premature answer — requires tolerating uncertainty. And uncertainty, for most of us, carries a physical signature: the tight chest, the restless attention, the mild but persistent anxiety of not-yet-knowing. The bad decision is often simply the decision that ends the discomfort. Not the right answer. The answer that makes the tension stop.

The third is social pressure — subtler than it appears. We want to be seen as decisive. As capable. As people who do not need more time than the room seems to think is appropriate. The pause that Sacred Noticing requires can feel, in these moments, like weakness rather than wisdom. And so we skip it. We offer the expected response, the reactive one, the one that costs the least in the currency of others’ approval — and costs considerably more in the currency of our actual integrity.

Research in decision science calls these cognitive shortcuts — heuristics that serve well enough in familiar territory but fail precisely when the stakes are highest. Daniel Kahneman’s distinction between System 1 and System 2 thinking maps with uncomfortable accuracy onto what the contemplative tradition has always known: the reactive self and the reflective self operate by different rules, and the reactive self nearly always moves first.

— ✦ —

What Motivates Us to Simply Make a Decision

There is a particular quality to the moment just before a bad decision. It does not usually feel like a mistake in progress. It feels like relief.

The pressure has been building. The competing claims — on your attention, your loyalty, your time, your sense of who you are — have been accumulating. And somewhere in the midst of this accumulation, the mind begins to prioritize resolution over truth. Ending the question becomes more important than answering it well.

This is what I call decision fatigue in spiritual form. It is not simply tiredness, though exhaustion is often a factor. It is the deeper weariness that comes from sustained interior tension — from holding two real claims, two genuine possibilities, two versions of who you might be, in unresolved relationship with each other for longer than your nervous system wants to manage.

The bad decision is frequently not a failure of moral courage, though it can be that. It is more often a failure of endurance — the capacity to remain in the pause long enough for wisdom to surface. Sacred Noticing asks something of us that the culture we inhabit systematically undermines: the willingness to wait for the right answer rather than accept the available one.

— ✦ —

The Spiritual Footprint and the Spiritual Trace

Here is where the anatomy becomes most instructive.

Every decision leaves a trace — not only in the world, but in you. The accumulated pattern of your choices, over time, forms what I have been calling your Spiritual Footprint: the quality of presence you carry and deposit in every room you enter. Some people’s decisions, traced over years, reveal a person who grew more integrated, more genuinely themselves, more available to wisdom. Others reveal a person who gradually accommodated, compromised, and narrowed — not through dramatic betrayal but through the small, repeated choice to end the discomfort rather than remain in the question.

The Spiritual Trace is more immediate. It is what a single decision deposits — in the people who experienced it, in the atmosphere of the room afterward, in your own interior life. A decision made from the pause, from genuine discernment, leaves a particular trace: something others sense even when they cannot name it. Steadiness. Integrity. The quality of a person who arrived in the moment rather than reacted to it.

A decision made to end the pressure leaves a different trace. Others feel it too — often as a subtle wrongness they cannot quite articulate. A closing rather than an opening. And you feel it most of all, in the quiet afterwards, when the relief has passed and what remains is the faint but persistent recognition that you knew, somewhere beneath the knowing, that this was not the answer. Only the exit.

— ✦ —

The practice is not a guarantee against bad decisions. Sacred Noticing does not promise perfect discernment. It promises that you will have been present — genuinely present, in the space between stimulus and response — when the decision was made. And that presence, practiced consistently, changes the quality of what you bring forward. Not all at once. Not without setback. But over time, in the accumulated trace of a life lived with increasing awareness, it forms a footprint that is recognizably yours.

Not the managed version. The inhabited one.

— ✦ —

One question to carry this week — not to answer, but to hold:

Is there a decision you are currently holding that you already know the answer to — and that you are resisting not because you are uncertain, but because the true answer requires you to endure something longer than the false one does?

The pause is not delay. It is where wisdom lives.

— ✦ —

The themes explored in this reflection — the Spiritual Footprint, the Spiritual Trace, and the full practice of Sacred Noticing — are developed in depth in The Practice of Sacred Noticing: Transforming Your Spiritual Footprint, publishing April/May 2026. The book includes structured practices, weekly exercises, contemplative poetry and photography, and guidance for the specific situations where discernment matters most.

 

Michael J. Cunningham OFS

spiritualbreak.com

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A Lenten Practice Worth Trying (Sacred Noticing)

 

A Lenten Practice Worth Trying: Notice. Pause. Respond. (Sacred Noticing)

Someone was trying to tell me something last week, and I wasn’t really there.

I was in the room. I was nodding. But I was already composing my response, already somewhere else. And when I finally tuned back in, the moment had passed — and I had left behind something less than my best self. Not intentionally. Not maliciously. But the trace I left in that exchange — the atmosphere that lingered after I walked away, what that person carried from our conversation — was shaped more by my distraction than my love. We call that a spiritual footprint. It is the lasting presence we leave in every encounter, every room we enter, every exchange we have — chosen or not, conscious or not. The question Lent presses upon us is not whether we leave one. We always do. The question is whether the one we’re leaving is the one we would choose if we were paying attention.

That’s what I think Lent calls us to look at. Not what we’re giving up. But what we’re leaving behind.

We know the familiar Lenten practices. We give something up — chocolate, wine, social media — as an act of penance and self-discipline. We take something on — extra prayer, Mass, works of charity — as almsgiving, a turning outward toward others. Both are ancient, both are good. But there is a third invitation that Lent always carries, quieter than the other two, and perhaps more demanding: conversion of heart. Not the dramatic, road-to-Damascus kind. The slow, daily, ordinary kind. The turning of attention toward what actually matters in each moment we are given.

Viktor Frankl, the psychiatrist who survived the Nazi concentration camps and went on to write one of the most important books of the twentieth century, put it this way: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

He learned that in the most extreme conditions the human spirit can face. He discovered that the one freedom no one could take from him was the freedom to choose how he met each moment. That space — between what happens and what we do about it — is where character is formed. Where love either happens or doesn’t. Where our spiritual footprint is laid down, one moment at a time, for better or worse, consciously or not. Lent is an invitation into that space.

Sacred Noticing is a practice designed to help us find it, expand it, and use it — not in a chapel, but in the middle of an ordinary Tuesday.

It has three movements that work together as one flowing rhythm.

Notice. Not just what’s happening around you, but what’s really present. The person in front of you — what do they need right now that you might be missing because you think you already know? The situation unfolding — what else might be true here that your assumptions are hiding? Notice invites us to approach the familiar as if for the first time. Francis of Assisi practiced this with every creature he encountered. He called it reading the book of creation. We might call it paying attention with love. And every time we do it, the footprint we leave becomes a little more intentional, a little more worthy of the love we say we want to give.

Pause. This is the space Frankl named. Taking a breath, a pause. Feet on the ground. One quiet question: What does this moment actually need from me? The pause interrupts the automatic, the reactive, the habitual. It is a tiny act of asceticism — a small dying to the ego’s need to respond immediately and on its own terms. In this sense, the pause is genuine Lenten penance. Not dramatic. But real. And in that brief stillness, something shifts. The footprint we were about to leave — shaped by irritation, distraction, or simple inattention — gets a chance to become something else.

Respond. From that deeper place. From something closer to wisdom than reaction. From something closer to love than habit. Your response may be words, or action, or simply staying present when you’d rather leave. Sometimes the most powerful response is a quality of attention that says to another person: you matter, I am here, this moment between us is not nothing. That is the footprint worth leaving. That is what lingers long after the conversation ends.

This is almsgiving in its fullest sense — not only the check we write or the food we donate, though those matter. It is the gift of our genuine presence. It is what we offer when we stop performing our way through the day and start actually meeting the people in front of us. It is the most personal form of charity there is — and unlike money, we have it available in every single moment.

This is penance in its deepest sense — not only what we deny ourselves, but the small daily discipline of not letting our first impulse have the last word. Three seconds. One breath. The pause that chooses love over reaction. Every time we do it, we are practicing the conversion Lent is actually after.

And this is prayer — not confined to morning quiet, but carried into the afternoon argument, the exhausting meeting, the moment someone needs more of us than we feel we have to give. When we bring that quality of presence into our ordinary encounters, we are not just being more mindful. We are being more holy. And the world around us — the people who move through our days — begins to feel the difference in the footprint we leave.

Try it today in one small moment. The traffic light turns red — let it be an invitation instead of an interruption. Someone says something that stings — notice what rises in you before you speak. The phone rings — one breath before you answer it. See what changes. Notice what you leave behind.

Many days of that kind of attention leaves its mark. On you. And on everyone you encounter along the way.

The ancient Lenten call is metanoia — a turning, a change of mind, a reorientation of the whole self. We don’t have to go somewhere extraordinary to answer it. We just have to show up differently to where we already are — and trust that the footprint we leave when we do will be one we’re glad we chose.

Notice. Pause. Respond. Repeat.

That may be all the Lenten practice you need.

Michael Cunningham OFS is the author of The Practice of Sacred Noticing: Transforming Your Spiritual Footprint, releasing April 2026. Weekly reflections at spiritualbreak.com.